If I were: Arthur Peter Mutharika

President of the Republic of Malawi, I would realise that no amount of explanation will convince Malawians that me and the Vice-President Saulos Klaus Chilima decided to forego our 80 percent salary increase after The Nation newspaper broke the story.

If only I were APM, I would realise that Malawians are not that sleepy that they cannot read between the lines.

If I were you, Your Excellency, I would appreciate that the salary hike could not have been announced without my knowledge in the first place.

How I wish I were the President, because I would realise that the picture I am painting out there is that this is a publicity stunt meant to portray a picture that I care about the poor, just like I did when I ‘rejected my Cabinent ministers’ proposed pay hike.

I would also realise that it is unrealistic and unfair for my government to still go ahead and approve a salary hike of my Cabinet when the same government is reluctant to consider raising salaries for the Judiciary and University of Malawi support staff.

That is if only I were my man APM. Unfortunately, I am just a mere ‘nyapapi’ of a scribe who answers to the name Garry Chirwa.