From Monday to yesterday afternoon, Sheikh Jean-Philippe LePoisson, Native Authority Mandela, Abiti Joyce Befu, and I had a whistle stop tour of Dedza district. We preferred to spend more time in more remote areas than we did in areas closest to Dedza Township. So we went to savour the areas of Traditional Authorities Tambala, Kasumbu,…

Sheikh Jean-Philippe LePoisson Sc., Native Authority Mandela and our leader of delegation, Abiti Joyce Befu, MG 66, are back, literally with their tails between their legs. Despite my protestation, they went to Monkey Bay for what they called the New Year Pork Beach Party. MG 66 directed that they buy enough pork, chapatti and an…

Despite my protestations, we are in Dedza. Our commander-in-chief and leader of delegation, Abiti Joyce Befu, MG 66, directed that we visit and camp in Dedza, the district where the Ngoni and Chewa, Muslim, Christian and animists live and eat together. Dedza was once upon a time a feared district. In the one party era,…

We are leaving Ntcheu this weekend. Our next destination is not known. But as transparent and accountable travellers, we will inform you soonest after Christmas Day—the day when some people enjoy themselves so much that they even forget that whatever was born will die and rise no more. Our leader of delegation and Commander-in-Chief, Abiti…

Karonga is hot but Monkey in the Republic of Mangochi is hotter. The heat reminded me of my boyhood days when we used to joke about a certain disc Jockey (DJ) who would shout ‘the dance is getting hotala and hotala” as the evening of unbridled dance and haram drink consumption reached the crescendo. Monkey…

We are not in the tradition of meddling in party politics, but  our commander-in-chief, Joyce Befu, also known as MG 66, has directed us, her subjects, that is, Sheikh Jean-Philippe LePoisson, Native Authority Mandela and me, to address you, Madame State President on an issue that everybody who cares is talking about and gnaws us.…

We are in Ntcheu, the land of the Maseko Ngoni, the land of the descendants of a branch of the Zulu armies that conquered weak tribes and kingdoms from the Limpopo to Lake Tanganyika. Someone jokes, rather seriously, that the Ngoni were on their way to conquer Europe, but their wars of occupation and colonisation…

We are back in Balaka. Our diary indicates that we will have to be here until when we meet Mirela, that sweet songstress whose dreams were shattered by some selfish, clueless, agenda-less ultra-vocal gender activists. We spent last Friday afternoon at Mbela, some call it Mbera, in Chief Kalembo’s area. Mbela is a beautiful set…

On our way back from Chipaika we passed by my former school, Nkhata Bay Secondary School, located on the western outskirts of the Vizara Rubber Plantation at Banga.  The school is still proudly called Nkhaboss, an acronym for Nkhata Bay Boys Secondary school. Some workers, such as Nindi, are still there.  The tangerine and banana…

In Balaka we are because we had to. Balaka is to Malawi’s democracy what ‘Chilazulo’ and Nkhata Bay are to Malawi’s political independence. Balaka is to Malawian political revolution what Chancellor College is to academic freedom. For, it was in Balaka, twenty-one years ago, that the seminal Pastoral Letter that challenged the party of death…

Sheikh Jean-Philippe LePoisson, SC, has resigned as leader of our delegation. He made the announcement as we drank fantakoko at Pambiche Hotel following the non-performance of the Black Missionary School band and Mr School at Zimatherapano, Madeko, Republic of Mangochi. I proposed Native Authority Mandela to take over as leader of delegation. The Native Authority…

The blackout took the management of Zimatherapano unawares. The manager came and apologised to us, his customers, for keeping us in darkness. He regretted that he had taken Escom’s promise that after the rehabilitation or upgrading or both, blackouts would be a thing of the Mutharika era. My proposal for us to leave the place…

Our evening at Zimatherapano was disappointing. The Black Missionary School Band came in good time, arranged and tested the music equipment before disappearing into the Madeko Village for a Rastafarian breather. As we waited for the band to play, Abiti Joyce Befu, also known as MG66, Native Authority Mandela, Sheikh Jean-Philippe SC and I sat…

Abiti Joyce Befu, also known as MG 66, decided to buy two skirts and an assortment of orange, blue, and green T-shirts and blouses curtsey of Sheikh Jean-Philippe’s largesse. Native Authority Mandela declined to get anything. Sheikh Jean-Philippe, SC, asked the only Native Authority in Malawi why he did not want to pick anything. Native…

We, meaning Native Authority Mandela, Sheikh Jean-Philippe LePoisson, SC, Abiti Joyce Befu, MG 66 and I, had to change our travel plans at the last minute. We had planned to travel from our comfortable seat at Monkey Bay to Mangochi Boma to protest the uncalled for, politically motivated  confiscation and illegal keeping of public property…

Native Authority Mandela, Sheikh Jean-Philippe LePoisson, SC, and I did not spend a lot of time at Chembe Village, also known as Cape Maclear, because, honestly speaking, there was nothing new for us to see. As people who had travelled the length and breadth of life we did not see anything appetising, tantalising, and attractive…