Best friend stole my man

Big Man,

I dread to think about what happened to me as I get nightmares every time I think of it. I have chosen to remain silent for a long time, but I feel there are other women going through the same pain and humiliation. So, allow me to be brief.

I was in a long-term relationship with my fiancée and we went as far as visiting each other’s relatives in preparation for our wedding in December this year.

Everything was rosy and I had the support of my family and friends. However, midway through the relationship, I started hearing stories that my husband-to-be was regularly spotted at odd places with my best friend.

At first I ignored the rumours, but when they persisted, I approached both of them.

Predictably, my friend denied the rumours, but my man was man enough to confess his transgressions. However, he told me that he had since fallen in love with my friend and would be leaving me.

I am devastated and heartbroken and, every morning, I have to struggle to get up from bed to face the world.

I pray that someday God will grant me the courage to forgive both of them for what they did to me.

Lucia, Zomba.

Lucia,

Excuse me because I will pounce on your distress. But I am Big Man Wamkulu, so I can do anything.

That said, the problem with women is that you share all your secrets with your ‘best friends’. How do I know this? Because it always ends in tears when either your best friend steals your man or leaks your secrets to all and sundry. This is a common thread among women and you never seem to learn.

For what reason, except the most absurd, do you go about telling your so-called ‘best friend’ about the most intimate of your bedroom secrets?

About how ‘big’ he is and how good he is at ‘it’. About how he makes you feel special and tickles you in the ticklish of places! How is that anyone’s business?

The result is that the ‘best friend’ (I don’t know why or how, but most often than not, these best friends always happen to be single) start feeling envious and, sooner rather than later, they start envisaging themselves in your shoes.

The end result? You find them in bed with your man.

And you are distressed because your friend stole your man? Get a life!

My dear, you are not the centre of this world; the earth does not revolve around you. And the sooner you realised this, the better for us all.

You are not the first to have been jilted by your best friend. And you’re not the last. History is littered with your likes. And guess what? None of them died because of that. There are worse crimes committed against best friends than snatching a man. He is just a man, and there are more where those came from. So, my dear, hold your head high and get on with life. Those tears in your pillow are not worth a penny.

Because, even if, for argument’s sake, you got the man back, would you trust him? So, for what reason, except the most absurd, would you want to keep a man whom you’re never going to marry?

I know that you feel angry and bitter and your desire for revenge is quite strong (and justified too). You feel a bitterness when you think about the implications of being duped and dumped.

How you start to blame yourself about not having been good enough. Or cute enough. Or good enough in bed.

But men are idiots and, if you’ll excuse my French, they’ll run off in the direction of the nearest pair of thighs without any prompting. It is in their nature and absolutely has nothing to do with you or your being, your sweetness (or lack of it).

A man will cheat on his beautiful wife with a prostitute at Chigwirizano? Men are slaves of lust and an unnerving desire to quench their libido in the quickest manner possible without regard to danger, dignity or decorum.

But remember what they taught us in Sunday School: Revenge is the Lord’s.

The best revenge is to let these two be. They will not last. Trust me. These kinds never last.

When you think of it, she did not steal your man; she merely relieved you of your problems. Think of this as a blessing. Be positive, look ahead and be cheerful.

This is not the end of the world (although it’s pretty close).

Ndanena ndanenanso,

Big Man Wamkulu.