Beware of the modern day ‘first born’


Marriage is a beautiful thing. And from experience, being married to a good man is even better. And nature demands that one should not be alone but have company, good company.

That is why we see people all over the world getting married every day. In Malawi, the need to get married is even bigger due to cultural and traditional beliefs. No matter how modern a woman is, she is under serious pressure to get married. Trust me I know, I have been there!


Now there is one problem …a big problem. Some men know just how desperate some women have become and they are exploiting the situation.

Naturally a man can smell desperation from a million miles away. And when a woman is desperate to have and keep a man she can do anything. A woman in love is generous. A desperate woman for marriage can do even more, so much more. She can open her bank account for her man to tap into, her car for him to drive, her house for him to live in for free; her resources for him to use at will… so long as he puts a ring on it!

The type of man who deliberately wants to rely on a woman, and like a sponge absorb her off is called a “first born” in my social circle because he acts like a child who relies on his parents for everything.

He will sleep in your house, eat your food, drive your car, use your hard earned money anyhow, and by the end of day demand your respect and more as your husband! The struggle is real.

One would think this is a way of discouraging women from supporting their husbands in times of need. No, that is not the aim of this discussion. A man who is going through a rough patch is different from one who is deliberately lazy and enjoys support from his wife without even trying to earn a living.

We have women among us, who from the day they got married do everything in the home; from paying rentals to buying food and clothes, and settling all the bills. And their husbands just enjoy being taken care of without an iota of shame to work hard and start earning. This is the type of man we are talking about here.

The problem is when a woman is desperate to get a man she disregards all red flags, warnings that he is a lazy and good for nothing type of man who would even ask for money for minibus fare.

And this kind of man does not waste time putting a ring on that finger knowing that a roof over his head is guaranteed; as well as food on the table and a good woman in his bed, all for free!

But by her nature, a woman is wired to be pampered by her man, to be taken care of by her husband, to be protected by her better half. And when things are happening in reverse order, she will surely get tired and frustrated.

The set up where the man loafs around and sponges the wife is not healthy. Not because a woman is selfish or weak but because she was created to be the “helper” not the provider. So let the modern woman go to work, earn money and “help” her husband run the home!

This new trend of men marrying hard working women so that they can live off them is sickening. It is time to say “no” to the “first born” phenomenon!  n

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