When chiefs disagree with everything

Dear judge Mbadwa,

We chiefs, who form the native authority in Nyasaland, tired of defending this government on national television, want to put in on record through this petition that we do not agree with everything that puts the establishment in the negative light.

We are sure there are opposition plants in Mapuya’s government who are deliberately putting spanners in his work so that the president should lose popularity as countdown to the 2019 election continues.

Do you think Mapuya, the esteemed professor of law, and his henchmen would, in their rightful senses want the Electoral Reforms Bill passed by Parliament.

Don’t you know that would be akin to committing a political suicide?

We chiefs believe the grouping of faith leaders that is calling for a massive demonstration on this matter is a pack of confused people who want to embarrass our beloved Mapuya and his People’s Demagogic Party (PDP).

Where are they getting the mandate to start thinking of mobilising people to protest Mapuya’s decision to delay Electoral Reforms? Which people are they talking about? Don’t they know that their mandate starts and ends at the door of the temple or mosque and all such gathering places?

They can’t mobilise our people without telling us and by the way, do you know why we are eager to sell our soul to the highest bidder, in this case government, every time the establishment wants to implement unpopular and polarising decisions?

Most of us have outlived our importance in society so much that it is only when we are asked to dance to the sad tunes of government that our significance is seen by all and sundry.

It is also during such times that we receive various gifts from senior government officials. Who wouldn’t want to relish such rare moments when our purses are always full?

And we like the publicity that goes with such solidarity parades. It is fun to display yourself silly with colleagues on national television, mumbling incoherent nonsense we understand nothing about ourselves.

We did it with Amayi during the national flag change and we shamelessly stand at attention when the same flag we ridiculed then is being raised now. Don’t blame any of us because most of us suffer from selective amnesia and that is why we loathe the opposition with passion. Do they have money to pay us anyway? We support government of the day.

Remember how we accused teachers of supporting the opposition when pupils took to streets in support of teachers who abandoned classes?

My Lord, we, chiefs, know that Malawian children are obedient and can only act weirdly at the instigation of the opposition and that is the only explanation we can offer.

We are sixth in command My Lord and we cannot allow the opposition, and that pack of faith leaders to bring anarchy in the country.

Would you find something we can use to deal them once and for all legally and by the way, what is 50+1, anyway? Isn’t it some easy addition whose answer should be 51?

Yours,

Zundu and fellow chiefs who lick dirty blue boots on television. n

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