Bottom Up

Where is disaster fuel levy money?

We spent the better part of last Thursday night carousing and chatting, hoarsely, at Admarc Leisure Centre, located prominently and strategically opposite the Bishop’s Residence in the City of Mzuzu. Although the place is heavily patronised, there is, to be honest, nothing worth certifying it as a city-level leisure centre. It is here, however, that the average Mzuzuans come and mingle. It is here that chicken is roasted and munched. It is here that that alcohol is consumed. It is here that unbridled arguments, discussions, and exchanges about and assessment of politics and politicians take place.

When we arrived at Adimariki, we went straight to the bar. MG 66, as our leader of delegation, Joyce Befu, is otherwise known, asked for Amalaula on the rocks. Sheikh Jean-Philippe LePoisson, Native Authority Mandela and Innocett Mawayawaya asked for Mzuzu Dry Gin. I asked for a bottle of still water.

As the barman was organising the drinks, I got out of the bar and went straight to the chicken roasting pier. There I asked for two full chickens. I sat aside as the chicken-boy started fiddling with the charcoal burner in preparation for the roasting of the two chicken carcasses. I sipped on my still water periodically as I listened to a group of young men who were arguing about currencies and how their values are determined.

“I see you have been reading Bottom Up,” one young man said.

“Why?” Another asked.

“Because, it is there that Jean-Philippe argued that currencies are fixed by politicians and not by economic fundamentals,” the first man reminded the group.

“What do you expect from journalists? They don’t understand the exogenous and endogenous factors that influence the value of currencies!” the third man, who had kept quiet all along, jumped in.

I silently left the place and went to join my friends and partners inside the pub. Except for Joyce Befu, everybody had a drink. Innocett Mawayawaya was busy translating the song that was playing on the radio. As Mawayawaya translated, Jean-Phillippe nodded and beamed like a newly remarried first lady.

“Mumamvelera bwanji mukakhala pamwamba?”

The Zambian musician sang. Mawayawaya translated. Jean-Philippe felt good. But MG 66 was not happy. She was untypically silent and spent time scratching her hair.

“Any problem? Is there no amalaula?” I asked.

“Amalaula is available but there is no glass and there are no ice blocks!” She answered.

“Why don’t you go for something different?”

“Like?”

“Mzuzu Coffee Brandy!”

“Never heard about that,” MG 66 said, smiling.

“Mix Mzuzu Coffee with two tots of brandy and you have Mzuzu Coffee Brandy!”

“You want me to undress or what? What’s your mission tonight?”

I did not answer her. Instead, I asked the barman to give me a knife. I cut my still water bottle into two halves and gave the bottom part of the bottle to the barman.

“Here. Serve her!”

The barman smiled, got the bottle tumbler, and poured two shots of amalaula. Joyce Befu got her drink. And she was most pleased despite there being no ice blocks to complete the order.

I silently walked out of the bar to check on the chicken. The three young men who had been arguing about currency values were still there but they had changed subjects.

“You know, I feel government is shortchanging Malawians,” said one of them.

“How? This is an unparalleled natural disaster and Malawi was not prepared for such an emergency,” the second one answered.

“That’s what I am disputing. For more than 25 years, the Malawi Government has collected disaster and drought levies from fuel purchasers. Where has the money the government has exacted from motorists gone? Why is the government crying for external assistance for this massive flood disaster when for 25 years it has collected disaster money from motorists?” the first man queried

“‘Where is the disaster money levied from fuel?’ that is the question,” the third man asked mockingly.

“That’s why I believed Mark Katsonga’s campaign for the abolition of Account Number 1, the Cashgate account!” The first man said.

 

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