EveryWoman

Futile lessons from those before us

Time will never change or tame mankind from certain eventualities that leave us vulnerable or at breaking points. This, I have come to conclude, upon observations and a bit of research. I shall dwell on the so-called crimes of passion which as inevitable as they sound, I believe some restraint can avert fatalities. The same can be said about other arenas, but as an ardent follower, viewer and reader of crime stories, crimes of passion or crime passionnel as the French call them, have been the most fascinating. These have been a result of emotional outbursts mainly in love triangles. People are driven to kill or maim out of jealousy, anger, hatred, scorn or greed. Yes, they mostly culminate from the deep emotions of love that for decades has been attributed to lives devastations through unprecedented acts of vengeance, lies, deceit and heart break.

One would think that drawing lessons from those before us or the calamities of friends, relatives and colleagues on outcomes of recklessness and overindulgences is the best teacher. Take an example of a choir master or director impregnating one of his members during a passionate love affair. How about a mistress and husband conniving to murder the wife because she is an impediment? Then there is a case of a young wife causing headaches to her elderly husband because of insecurities. Take an example of an abused wife seeking revenge on her husband through murder. The list goes on, but my point is, these things have been happening since time immemorial and they still make headlines to date as reasons we are driven to kill in eliminating competition, evidence, heartaches or responsibilities. Where are we missing the lessons? Should experience not serve as lessons?

Well, my opinion rests on the simple assumption that satisfaction ought to carry the day. We sometimes undermine the repercussions of our actions and hope that affairs will end smoothly without emotional pain or scars on all involved. Clearly, containing or concealing our deepest secrets has not always been successful and all hell breaks loose when we are found out. Again, mistresses may not feel content to remain such and desire something more. All these are antidotes for disasters. Why can’t the human heart then choose the sane way out of problems? Why trouble the trouble before it troubles us?

If deceit wore a particular colour or came in a package, we could elude it and avoid its treacherousness. Honesty, as far as is concerned has specifications which include trust and satisfaction. But for some reason, many choose to omit it from relationships, opting for ‘adventure’ in the name of escaping a troubled marriage, succeeding in getting the most beautiful woman, proving one’ status or to simply fitting in.

In all the folly or mishaps, we have a choice to avert disastrous endings through the act of control. We should not always get what we want and taking responsibility of our actions even if it means living with that nagging wife forever because she culminates from poor choices. That husband should not all of a sudden become too short, fat or annoying because nothing has change really. He has always been that way. We were simply too in love to see it then. Usually abusers do so even in mere relationships, way before the long walk altar. For some reason, we believe they can be changed.

When we choose to marry that woman or man, we must remember these people are for keeps, not some scientific experiments we can do with as we please. The same goes for those promises. Let’s strive to say what we mean and not leave others hanging in the emotional balance. We must never try to complicate the love equation with third or more parties as such actions can lead to fatalities. Judgmental errors will exist, but there are avenues out rather than the grave or hospital. There is a price to pay once we choose to play with other people’s emotions. Crimes of passion can be contained, both ways.

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