Here is some good news, Mr President

When we on the streets read that our president is moaning about the media and how desperate he wants some positive news to come out of Malawi media, we could not help but laugh.

We sat on the pavements and imagined him waking up early Tuesday morning to see the papers for some positive headlines about his trip to the United Nations General Assembly (UNGA), only for him to be greeted with the story of blood suckers gracing the front pages of both dailies.

We imagined the good old professor with his pair of reading glasses shaking his head upon reading that two more people have been killed in Mulanje and that human rights activists are attacking his government for being super slow to act.

We imagined APM dismissing the story as pure rubbish and turning to page two and three to check for some positive stories only to read that a government institution the National Statistical Office (NSO) has extended a begging bowl for additional K9 billion so that it ably carries out a national census in 2018.

We imagined the guy turning each and every page checking for some positive news only to find none. Shame guys, shame.  Why do we in Malawian media concentrate on the opposite of the positive? Can’t the media give APM a break?

In case you are wondering, APM on Monday appealed to Malawians, including journalists, to write positive stories about the country’s developments.

APM was speaking on arrival from New York, United States of America where he attended the UNGA.

He said from the 16 meetings which he personally attended, he heard good things about Malawi’s strides in ending child marriages and increasing access to early child education.

The President also said he was told that Malawi was a global star with good programmes on ending child marriages, thanks to champions such as Senior Chief Kachindamoto.

“It is good that we are doing well out there. We should change; Malawians should lead so that whatever is happening we should push for the country to develop further. We should speak positively about Malawi not just all bad things,” our leader said.

“People outside know the kind of work we are doing, Malawi is a model to the rest of the world even the Secretary General said so. From the meetings, Malawi will benefit a lot in various areas such as ending early marriages and on education that we can implement in this country,” he continued.

Then came the bombshell:  “I am urging, especially journalists, to write positive stories, from now on, okay?”

Now come on you guys in the media. Should the President and his aides really be worrying about you?

We on the street, have made an effort to come up with a list of news items which you can put a positive spin so that APM can truly feel happy about.

Here is your good news review, Mr President and we hope the media will pick it.

  1. Corruption is not a problem in Malawi

All this talk about corruption in Malawi is nonsense (zachamba) and those spreading lies about the DPP-led government being the most corrupt are idiots and just jealousy (zitsilu) that they are not in government. Especially, those in opposition, they wish they too could dip their fingers in the honey pot so that they could build mansions in Mzuzu, Lilongwe and Blantyre.

  1. Energy crisis

All countries in Southern Africa are facing electricity problems because of prolonged drought in 2015. Lakes and rivers in southern Africa have dried up, so what’s the fuss about pro-longed load shedding Malawians are facing. Get used. Even in Puerto Rico (in the United States) people there have been in the dark for days. Stop complaining and buy solar equipment to light up your homes.

  1. No market for maize

NFRA has ordered that farmers should bring all their maize to its depots. There is enough money to buy all the maize. In fact, NFRA has K5.4 billion to be splashed on maize purchases. Malawi farmers will be the richest in the whole of Sadc region.

  1. APM has overstayed in the US

The President had important meetings in the US, among other meetings, he held discussions with the UNAids executive director Michel Sidibe,  attended a high level event on ending child, early and forced marriages and met officials from a Brazilian company interested in investing in the Green Belt Initiative. The impact of these meetings will be huge in this country. We will halve poverty. So calm down, your tax is in safe hands.

  1. Blood suckers are on rampage

Malawi media is making up all these stories. This nonsense must stop. Write positive stories about Malawi. Can’t you see that your fake stories have resulted in our tourist attraction site; the grand massif (Mulanje) to be blacklisted by the eerr is it the CIA? We will deploy the police there next month…

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