Happiness takes effort - The Nation Online

Happiness takes effort

Often, we hear people whining about not being happy. For some couples, their complaints date back to their relationships, claiming that things are not what they used to be. The usual talk is about what she/he used to do during courtship or in the initial days of a union. They don’t talk anymore, go out any more, do things together anymore and barely stay in the house. It is like friends turned enemies—a reality of the thin line between love and hate.

None of the whiners, however, ever take time to soul-search and understand exactly where things went wrong. It is always about pointing fingers at one another, never at oneself just in case the complainant is the cause. I know it takes two to tango and no matter who is in the wrong, the other, too, must have played a role in either making a union succeed or fail.

The thing is; happiness takes effort from both parties. If none of the two are willing to make their relationship work, it will not. And the recipe for further disaster and damage in an ailing relationship is the blame game. If he doesn’t do what he used to do, is there a guarantee that she is doing what she used to do? If she is not talking, what could be the cause, and is he talking, either?

Passion dies slowly, but surely. Probably in the course of its death, the couples may not realise it because it is hardly noticeable. By the time it hits both of them hard; damage would be irreversible, leading to uncontrollable hatred and demise of the bond they once shared.

Take what Inkosi Chimalizeni argues in his Family Values column on Page 5. Marrying the woman you love does not end at winning her heart. There are various other things to do to complete the circle of love that does not end with her alone. There are issues of respect and carrying oneself well. In other words, we all are expected to contribute towards the success of anything without leaving the burden to one party.

So, if that woman is cheating and she never did before, my man, it would be time to look in the mirror rather than punch the blame button if you are to revive that lost passion. And woman, if he is preferring to spend time drinking with his friends all the time, check what might be missing in the relationship and replace the spare parts that ran your love engine smoothly.

The marriage or relationship just might require servicing or a complete overhaul—like any good vehicle would rather than simply pushing to get it started or even towing to get it places. It takes hard work for any relationship to strive.

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