How parents’ behaviour affect children’s future, life

It is said that what you train your children is what they become. The type of environment parents create for their children and the way they carry themselves have a great impact on them.

Naturally, children copy and learn more things from parents; hence, parents influence a major part of their offspring’s psychological makeup.

Experts argue that if indeed the home is turned into a constant battle field, it negatively affects some children while a peaceful and welcoming atmosphere would ease their minds for a lesser aggressive personality.

They further argue that rebellion most of the times stem as silent protests of behaviour exhibited by the parents that may include fighting, arguments, drunkenness, smoking or infidelity.

Culturally, children are not meant to rebuke or advise their parents so they will always take the easy way out if unhappy with situations at home.

Chezan Maland, a marriage counselor on spiritual matters says children who end up smoking or drinking primarily copy them from their parents as the people they interact with most of the times.

“There is a problem in terms of the cooperation between parents and children. Because some parents do not give room for children’s contributions and opinions, it becomes difficult for children to open up to them.

“This also affects the approach to problems and finding solutions together resulting in devastating behaviour as a way of suppressing their deep emotions,” he said.

But to what extent should parents be expected to influence the behaviours and lifestyles of their children?

Balaka based psychologist Richard James says there is more to parenting than just creating positive beliefs in bringing up children.

“It is important to ask yourself what your child makes of anything you say. What will be the result? If it is a positive conclusion, congratulate yourself because it is not easy.

“But if negativity is perceived in the end, do not hesitate to correct it and apologise before it affects the life of a child,” said James.

Assemblies of God Reverend Francis Chima of Dowa says it is important to give children a chance to make their own decisions as this gives them the opportunity to learn from their parents what is right and wrong.

“If parents are too cruel, children grow up miserably and later become troublesome. Therefore, it becomes quite difficult for parents who drink or fight to correct their children. They cannot be trusted and advice falls on deaf ears,” said Chima.

Research also shows that in the same way dressing influences people’s perception, the same is crucial in how children perceive their parents’ dressing.

Mother of two Angela Makiyi says parents, especially mothers, need to be sensitive in the way they dress as that also builds or destroys the personality of their children who may copy.