Hearing that your husband has children outside your marriage can be quite shocking. It implies that your husband was/ is cheating on you or that he was not honest with you at the time you got married. MWERETI KANJO gets around this very sensitive subject.
Pastor Towela Masiku, says it is important to remember the scriptures that say Ã¢â‚¬Ëœbefore you were born I knew youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢. Every person on this earth is a child of God. Whether out of wedlock, that child is also a child of God.
You will however have to deal with feelings of betrayal, surprise and a lot more. Whatever happens though, you must remember that the child is just as innocent as you are in this situation.
“The reaction here depends on where you are coming from as a person as well as how the child has been introduced to you. Has the child just been dumped at the home by relatives, has your husband just brought him in or was there a process where talks were held with uncles and other relatives?
“Where the child has just come from the blues, welcome them, give them something to eat and then talk the issue over with your spouse. Ask him to tell you the truth.
Taking temporary custody of the child means that you are trying to sort things out. This is not something that can be dealt with in a day. It will take time so do not feel too guilty about it,” advises Masiku.
Sandra Mapemba, a psychologist, advises that it is best for the husband to present the wife with nothing but the whole truth on where the child has come from, what sort of relationship he had with the mother and the current state of that relationship.
“Tell your children about their other siblings after you have completely dealt with the matter. It is important that both parents be present when telling them, as they might have questions.
This way, the new children will be better received. Assure your children that your love towards them will not change so that they do not see the other children as a threat to their relationship with either parent,” says Mapemba.