In-law ‘starving’ my sister

Dear BMW,
I am 28-year-old girl and I live with my older sister. Lately, she has been grumpy. She smashes plates, burns food when she is cooking and shouts at the maid like a maniac. When I asked about her sudden hot temper, I learnt with shock that she has not had sex with her husband for the past six months.
My sister says her hubby is incapable, can’t rise to the occasion or when he does, his ‘fire goes off before the meal is fully cooked’. To be honest Biggy, my in-law had been acting strange lately: sleeping late and coming home drunk.
He is unhappy, talks to no one in the house and almost every night he goes to bed late—pretending to watch the English Premier League!
I was thinking that he no longer likes my sister or that he is cheating on her. But to hear that ‘he can’t rise to the occasion’ I really feel sorry for him.
My sister says lack of sex makes her to be cranky. The worst part is that the more she is not having it, the more she is craving for sex. Due to her anger and hunger for sex, the house is often disturbed, and as you can guess, there is no peace in the house.
Biggie, I love my sister and I do not like to see her angry, hurt and starving. Should I try to seduce my in-law to awaken his loins?
Shorty, via WhatsApp, Chibanja, Mzuzu

Dearest Shorty,
A hungry woman is an extremely angry woman, they say. We need to fix this problem today. But first, let me concede that your problem Shorty is probably the most tempting in my long career as a senior counsellor. Because if I had a chance, I would work on your sister myself and by the time I walk out of her bedroom she would be beaming with joy and singing in the shower.
But it’s okay, life is unfair, so let me not be tempted and get involved in the affairs of ‘my patients’.
The second option on my plate would be to recommend to her to find an illicit lover. But hey, she risks sexually transmitted diseases as you know how men are these days, they will not accept to use a wrapper. So let us rule out cheating on your in-law.
So the only alternative, that I am sure would work wonders, would be to invest in sex toys, but, unfortunately, those things don’t cuddle or kiss, something women are addicted to.
The last option is what you have indeed suggested. You should try to seduce the man. Let’s see if he will respond to you.
But be warned, that this trick up your sleeve might backfire as you might be required to douse the fire. Pajatu okumba mbuna amagwamo. If your sister is failing to start the engine, then if you jump-start it, be ready to be called to duty later on to switch it off.
No man should ‘starve’ his woman. Your in-law needs prayers.
Big Man Wamkulu

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