My husband is a drunkard

Dear Big Man Wamkulu

My husband is a drunkard. Once he is drunk he becomes a village idiot.

He insults everyone in our community. Recently, he insulted our neighbour, my pastor and even the gravediggers (adzukulu) during the funeral of my grandmother.

He was beaten to a pulp for that. But my worst nightmare is when he is home (most of the time he is at shebeens, drinking).

When he is home, this man sleeps like a dog and has made a habit of wetting the bed.

Biggie, I have warned him several times that if he continues drinking, then he should forget to ever see my punani again and it has been like that for almost six months now (anyway who wants to sleep with a drunk whose mouth stinks like a toilet?).

I want him to apologise for what he has been doing, quit drinking and stay at home?

As I am writing to you Biggie, the fool has not been home for two days (after he cashed his pay cheque).

I know my husband is an idiot. But I still love him. What should I do?

Belita, via WhatsApp, Soche

Dearest Beli-Beli,

The real problem is you want to sit there sulking with your legs shut and you want a miracle to happen.

What’s wrong with women today?

 If a married man becomes a drunkard, it only points to one thing the wife’s loud mouth!

You see, Beli-Beli, the Bible is clear about your likes and allow me to quote some verses.

Proverbs 21:19 says: “It is better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife”.

 Proverbs 27:15-16 adds: “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike. Trying to keep her in check is like stopping a wind storm or grabbing oil with your right hand.”

And the most common one, which surely you have heard before, is Proverbs 14:1, which goes: “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”

Or legs! First, you deny your man to consummate your marriage and you expect him to stay at home?

To do what, sweep the compound or sleep with your maid?

You talk ill about him, calling him a ‘palm wine drunkard, village idiot and a fool and expect him to be home?

My dear Beli-Beli, you expect too much from men! There are thousands of married women whose husbands wet the bed.

Watch Emmanuel TV and you will understand what I am talking about.

If I were you, I would rush to the nearest grocery and buy that man some diapers. Secondly, you should know by now that a man never apologises.

If you want a happy marriage, apologise and peck him all over next time he comes home reeking ‘Bardo or Super Midoli’.

Give him a bath, feed him and take him to bed, literally.

And, lastly, you should know by now that sex strikes do not work anymore.

Sex strikes only work in countries where there are more men than women.

Here in Malawi there are millions of randy women who the moment you put lock and key between your legs, they will pop up in your hubby’s Facebook or WhatsApp inbox inviting him for a marathon session.

And oh… apart from some hookers taking good care of him, your man is surely banging the barmaid or Amayi dulani and it’s not someone’s fault but your own. Lift the sex ban now!

BMW