It’s not my fault, but the opposition’s

Dear Judge Mbadwa,

I would rather address your court through this letter than talk to some unkempt journalists about my trip to United Nations General Assembly (Unga) in the United states, the violence at the Khalapadenga ceremony in the Tumbukaland, the alleged vampires looming in the Lhomwe belt and the resultant barbaric curtailing of lives of six innocent people and of course the curse of blackouts that Nyasaland is experiencing.

My Lord, you know it is not a statutory obligation for me to be addressing scribes who more often than not choose to ignore the good work that my People’s Demagogic Party (PDP) government is doing and instead focus on negativities.

My Lord, my government was defamed left, right and centre by these journalists, some chiefs and the opposition while I was at Unga.

You know that the opposition, especially Lazaro with his heightened ambition to rule this country, is the source of every problem rocking Nyasaland. I am reliably informed that Lazaro’s youth leaguers bought our party cloth and terrorised themselves and the likes of Jeremiah Chakufwa at the Khalapadenga ceremony to give us a bad name, zopusa kwambiri, zakumwa madzi ometera ndevi zimenezi.

Our party does not have a history of violence! No, no, no, My Lord. Even the so-called photos of our cadets carrying pangas in the chaos of July 20 2011 were the product of photoshop by agents of the opposition. Some overzealous detractors even went to the extent of physically painting their vehicles into our colours after they had armed their youth with pangas that time, hacking one or two people.

Perhaps you have heard that boma siliphethira why should we then fear Lazaro and his party when everyone knows that we command a large following and we have delivered on all the promises we made when we assumed power.

I hear lies have been spewed that we went to beat up people in the Lower States, but that is also not true. It is the doing of the opposition who once again want to paint us black.

My Lord, how can the opposition be allowed to spread rumours about blood suckers in the Lhomwe belt? You might not agree with me, but they are doing that to destabilise the country. The opposition is responsible for the death of those innocent souls at the hands of mobs and my prayer is that party leaders such as Lazaro will be taken to task to answer for manslaughter.

The Nyasaland Police Force cannot do anything on the murders because they have been infiltrated by the opposition and officers now take orders from otsutsa. I believe this explains why the only action we have taken as the PDP government is addressing a press conference on the same in Lilongwe where the same opposition was exposed to be behind the lawlessness in the Lhomwe belt.

What more can one do if my detractors want to undermine the Commander In-Chief of the armed forces?

Need I talk about the source of the spell of blackouts that we are now facing? Who doesn’t know that it is the opposition that are also responsible? They have connived with Escom and Egenco officials in draining out Lake Malawi and Shire River.   Most employees of Escom and Egenco belong to the opposition and they are deliberately frustrating my government’s efforts to provide power to people in the country by needlessly switching off power.

In short, My Lord, the opposition is so powerful that it controls everything. Churches, civil society organisations, public sector employees, the private sector and even university students all belong to the opposition. My Lord, can you advise me how I can wrestle power back from Lazaro ndi alongo ake?

Yours Mapuya.

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