Put your foot down on overprotective brothers

Men are naturally protective of the women in their lives. It is cute and sweet when a brother or father is there to protect you at all cost. However, sometimes their protectiveness reaches extremes where you start feeling that your space is being invaded. Mwereti Kanjo finds out tactics to breaking free from the hold of overprotective men in your life.

There have been cases where a brother has embarrassingly asked a sister to stop doing something in front of friends, in some cases they have physically fought just to make his point clear. What are the boundaries? How do you put your foot down on over protective brothers?

Patrick Semphere, a family specialist, says it is important to determine what you need the freedom for. If it is to be free to do whatever you like at whatever cost, then one would encourage big brother to be hard on you. Often we cry for freedom when we are not responsible enough to conduct ourselves properly. We complain that people are always suspicious of us when we are not trustworthy in the first place.

He says trust must be earned. If your brother is mature, he will know that we all need a perimeter within which to be free. Beyond that, then you are encroaching on someone else’s freedom and that will be disastrous. If he wants you harshly tied to his rules, then he needs to know. If you cannot speak to him directly, then approach someone more mature to help communicate the message on your behalf.

“Age is not what matters most. We have teenagers who behave like five year olds. We also have some adults who behave like teenagers while other younger folk can be as responsible as adults. Thus it is difficult to prescribe an age when you should be set free.

“Legally, there are things like driving, marriage and others which can only be permissible at a particular age. The guide for your brother would be to consider the fact that every person needs freedom in order to grow. Your brother needs to be fully acquainted with you to determine what is allowable and what is not,” Semphere points out.

When asked why men are so protective, Semphere responds that this is a sweeping statement. However, every human being ought to be protective over what belongs to them. If I am not protective over my wife, then she is vulnerable to all types of marauding beasts.

However, being overprotective means that you have great suspicion that what belongs to you can be stolen by all means. Men can be overprotective simply because in their masculine make-up, they are genetically wired to protect whatever is in their domain. Protection is helpful. Overprotection on the other hand can render the protected entity to be too dependent or feel disempowered.

Psychologist Chiwoza Bandawe says no person has control over how another would react to a situation. He says the best one can do here is to initiate dialogue and hope that your brother will understand how you feel about the whole situation. Their reaction will be dependent on how determined they are in protecting you.

“Men are very protective because by virtue of being a man, they know how other men think and what they want from women. They are there within the circles when men are talking about women. You will find that they are okay with dating other people’s sisters but when it comes closer to home, they become over protective,” said Bandawe.

When it comes down to it, all that is needed is trust among siblings.