Should you get your man to propose?

Everyone wants to settle down with a partner and start a family, but is it alright for the woman to fish for a marriage proposal from her man?

One response on a social media discussion was against letting women wait forever for the men to be ready for marriage.

The respondent was of the opinion that people should be free to talk about such things when they are courting. They should make plans and be strategic.

“It is unfair for the woman to keep waiting for a man that is not ready. What if it takes years for the man to be ready for marriage when the woman was ready like yesterday. Don’t you think this woman will then look elsewhere and get married to another man, instead? It is best if the couple open up to each other; they should be free enough to talk,” he says.

Another contributor to the discussion, Flora Chikaonda Njunga had this to say: “Some things need a little push. For instance, if one has been in a courtship for over five years and in all that time, never once has the man ever said anything about marriage. You need to discuss these things with the man. You see some men think like children; on their own they cannot think of marriage, which is why it is best to discuss it between the two of you.”

Someone with a varied view pointed out that women need to wait until the man is ready to marry them, noting that some girls put pressure on their boyfriends when they see their friends’ proposals on social media.

“Marriage is more than Facebook. It is about two people from two different worlds coming together as one. It is work. So, look beyond the proposals and think ahead to how your marriage will be. If you force them into marriage, the result might be misery, or even divorce,” she says.

Sociologist Charles Chilimampunga says as long as people continue to advance issues of gender and that there is no difference between men and women, there should be nothing wrong with a woman suggesting about marriage to her boyfriend.

He, however, notes that it is important for the two parties to discuss how their relationship should progress.

“Nobody should push the other, although the truth is that men are generally slow and sometimes they might need a little nudge. But men can also be fast sometimes when they really want something. It is a bit unfortunate that in a relationship there is usually one part that is more powerful, and it is the man in this case, who usually needs to take the lead in decisions,” he says.

Chilimampunga believes that even in a situation where a woman has a crush over a man, she does not always need to wait for him to ask her out.

“If a woman meets a handsome man who looks well mannered, why should they not make advances at him? People say it is not right, but I see nothing wrong with it,” he says.