Jessie recalls a time when her best friend’s boyfriend was hitting on her. She threatened to tell her friend, but strangely, he confidently gave her the go ahead.
She inquired from her friend about her how she would react if her man cheated.
Her response was simple; that it would never happen as he is so much into her, that even if he was left alone with a group of girls for a month, he would not ask even one of them out.
The response got Jessica weak at her knees and she realised that all she needed to do was zip her mouth and stand her ground against his advances.
The couple’s relationship ended eventually after the man cheated with another girl.
Blantyre-based Mercy Chita says the problem with people who back their partners is that they stop people from telling them about their men cheating.
“Besides, most of the people whose boyfriends cheat know about it, so what is the point of telling them?” she wonders.
Another Blantyre resident Cassie Gondwe says the extent of a relationship determines whether one can or cannot tell their friend of a cheating boyfriend.
“Some friends pretend to appreciate, but end up terminating the friendship after you tell them. Personally, I would want my friends to tell me if they caught my man cheating. I would not appreciate anyone telling me about it later than sooner. What kind of friend does that?” she wondered.
Thom Salamba is a Chancellor College graduate who majored in sociology. He argues that each person makes decisions depending on their values.
“Society shares the value that cheating is wrong and based on this social value as a reference point, most people would want to tell their friend about a cheating partner. But is it advisable? We make decisions on whether our actions are more costly or beneficial and more often than not, we choose something when its benefits outweigh the costs.
“But then sometimes we make decisions regardless of rationality and benefits. We would tell even if it means being labeled a ‘snitch’ or losing our friendship. In essence, action is meaningful to those involved. To someone telling their friend- even if it costs them their friendship- is a cost they can bear, but to another person it is unbearable. So, telling a friend is only advisable when you can face the consequences, no matter what they may be,” he says.
His view is that it would be advisable to tell than keep silent. n