EveryWoman

Silence is not always golden

 

Why can’t women read signs from men about what they are trying to communicate? I overheard one man whine the other day. He was of the opinion that women are slow in grasping some social and silent communication in form of insinuations hinted to them from time to time. This dude’s list included conversations indirectly inviting a woman on a date, complimenting her beauty or attire and, although he did not spell it out, I also read the possibility of silent sexual advances to which I believe he expected the woman to simply stand up and follow him to a secret hideout for some limited pleasure because she ‘understood his desires to read so.

This whiner may have been right in his own interpretation of socialisation and communication theories. I choose to differ. You see, as a woman, I am also burdened with the same puzzle. This time, it is my supposed lack of getting what I specifically want from both the man and woman in my various interactions because, sadly, I assume and believe that they failed to read me. And I am so sure that I am not alone and many are nodding in agreement. I have wound up frustrated at their ‘daftness’ to read my wants on the basis that my actions ought to have spoken louder than the sheer utterances of my desires. Clearly, the trends are as rife in men as they are in women.

I have a suggestion. Others have spoken before me that communication is vital in relationships and this is the same even in same sex interactions. Surely, if I want effectiveness, I am better off expressing myself clearly than via innuendos. Firstly, my gestures or beating about bushes may be misunderstood, distorted or simply ignored. The type of communication encouraged may not be signals, unless in relevant contexts, but verbal, clear and frank to put messages across. If the other party is not for a suggestion, let them also clearly spell it out clearly rather than make undue assumptions. Imagine being followed to a dark corner-when attempting to relieve yourself- by a member of the opposite sex to submit to a gesture whose communication was far from its intentions? Again, imagine being given a huge blow to the face and having to count your teeth on a pavement because someone misread a body language that proposed something totally different than was interpreted?

Nobody should take it for granted that we are able to read and understand silent communication. The case applies even to the verbal kind. They are all open to distortions. Say things as they are without anticipating miracles. Unless a communication or intention is vulgar, I see no reason anybody would hesitate in airing out specifics to get desired results. We should not try to communicate, but simply do it. Trials and errors will only serve to frustrate both parties. Nobody is slow unless one is slow in putting a message across. Actually, taking it from our male colleague caught whining, I applaud the many women who have failed to understand him because had they done so, today he would be speaking a different language of disrespecting them for their overzealousness. Never respond until you fully understand. n

Related Articles

Back to top button