Tired living with useless hubby

Dear BMW,

My husband is a jerk and useless. He drinks all night like a college student. I have to look after our two kids, pay the maid, buy food and settle all the bills alone.

Divorce is out of the question as I love him and I do not want to die a single parent. But I am tired with his demands that I should be servicing him every night. My main concern is that due to beer or whatever he takes at the shebeens, he spends hours on end ‘cycling’. Sometimes, I just discover that he is snoring on top of me.

I am tired with his antics, Biggie. I have tried to advise him to stop drinking but to no avail. I have been praying for him, but the more I pray the more he drinks. Our neighbours are doing well, building houses, sending children to nice schools and buying new cars.

I am stuck with the idiot and can hardly make ends meet, what should I do?

Tired Tee via WhatsApp, Likuni.

 

Dearest Tired Tee,

Lucky you, the hubby drinks like a fish, but there are husbands out there who get paid twice a month but cannot provide for their families yet they hardly touch the bottle. There are men out there who have a six figure-paying job, but their mothers still sleep in a grass-thatched house. Madam Tee, men are dogs.  But there are ways to tame such negligent husbands. The weapon is right there between your legs!

Oooh Biggie you might say, but I can tell you that most women don’t realise that they hold the ultimate bargaining tool; sex! Madam Tee, you use sweets to coerce your kids to do their chores around the house and you use (bones) treats to get a dog to behave appropriately. Men work the same way, only in this instant your weapon is sex.

So hear me well my dear. You can use sex as a bargaining tool to make your man act right in the relationship. Men are simple minded beings that can be controlled like puppets. A man will do virtually anything on the promise of sex. I’ve seen men drive for miles (look who is talking), skip a job interview (did this once) or an exam and put up with psychotic women (madiva) just to get laid.

The saying that sex is power holds true. Whoever controls the sex in a relationship has all the power and more often than not, it is the woman. The problem is that women are giving it away. Even when the man is the most useless jerk you still part your legs every time he asks. Come on!

Men respond to sex or lack thereof. If you are not getting what you want right now he will pay closer attention if you stop giving him what he wants and men want only one thing in life; sex. You need to start withholding sex until he tows the line. If he is good, you can have sex with him.

Like respect, sex has to be earned. Don’t just give it away. If he doesn’t want to act right in the relationship, let him handle business with his hand until he comes to his senses. When you learn to use sex as a weapon and reward, you will train your man to do whatever you want. If you don’t feel like he deserves sex, then simply don’t have sex with him.

Madam Tee, ever heard of a sex strike in Kenya or Zambia? Do you think sex strikes are a joke? Learn to continually withhold sex until he is a good boy. Try it and you will soon notice drastic changes in your man. He will soon be eating from the palm of your hands.

Word of caution though, first, please do not abuse this tip as he might leave you for ‘a night nurse’. Secondly, do not try this when you have a stunning maid in the house!

But try it.

BMW

 

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