Soul

Untamed anger turns criminal

We hear about crimes of passion all the time. A man walks in on his wife and her lover then shoots them both in the head for their transgressions. This is caused mostly by anger. A crime of passion is usually a murder or an assault that is precipitated by jealousy, wasn’t planned (premeditated) but occurred for no other reason than pure emotional violence or uncontrolled anger.

Anger is a negative feeling that is typically associated with hostile thoughts, physiological arousal and maladaptive behaviours. It usually develops in response to the unwanted actions of another person who is perceived to be disrespectful, demeaning, threatening or neglectful.

Anger is associated with interpersonal conflicts, negative evaluations by others, erratic driving, property destruction, occupational maladjustment, inappropriate risk taking, accidents, substance abuse and so-called crimes of passion.

Angry thoughts may be accompanied by muscle tension, headaches or an increased heart rate. In addition, the verbal and physical expressions of anger may serve as a warning to others about our displeasure. The verbal expressions include yelling, arguing, cursing and sarcasm. However, anger can also be expressed physically by raising a clenched fist, throwing a book on the floor or hitting a wall. Sometimes, anger is not expressed externally but remains as internal rumination.

The tolerance level of anger is unique for every individual. This anger threshold, for instance, is largely dependent on a fragment’s ability to tolerate ever increasing levels of anger. If the tank is already filled to capacity, so to speak — perhaps from petty annoyances in the past — there may be little room to accommodate the additional load. In such cases, the anger has no place to go but out, resulting in a likely tantrum or even violence that may not seem warranted based on the magnitude of the instigation.

The tolerance level can be improved if the tank is regulated to remain at minimal levels. To accomplish this, seek the neutral position between the inward and outward expressions of anger.

Today’s irritations can too easily become tomorrow’s regrets, so it’s important to communicate feelings of anger before they accumulate over time. Since anger provides an immediate assessment of your emotional health; alerting you to imbalances in your body that should be addressed, it is a useful tool for measuring the effectiveness of your communication style. In other words, if you are angry two to three times a day, your style of communication is probably in need of improvement.

Doing this constructively means removing the negative charge from your expression so that you can communicate in ways that are respectful, honest and non-threatening. When used constructively, anger can improve the quality of relationships, motivating people to openly express their feelings with greater confidence and less apprehension.

Constructive communication is not a debate. Do not make the other person wrong. Relinquish your need to be right; you are connecting a bridge to an equal.

Do not expect your partner to read between the lines. Openly communicate what you think and what you feel.

Focus on one issue at a time. Avoid tangents that may introduce prior judgments and nit-picking.

Show tact and respect, but do not give away your power. Be compassionate yet assertive. Communicate what you want and what you need.

Listen. Don’t craft your next response before your partner has finished talking. Constructive communication is not a chess match.

Be nonresistant. Open your borders to new possibilities. Forgive. Put the past behind you and move forward.

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