I am 30 and have two kids with my man. I used to love my husband but not anymore. He doesn’t cheat or drink. He is a good man. But I have lost interest in him. When he speaks, I do not even care what he is saying. When he is not home, I feel relieved when he is not home and when it comes to sex, well I hate it with him. The last time we had it should be six months ago.
BMW, I have lost interest in my man to the extent that I hate going home. I hate seeing him and I hate everything to do with him. What I hate the most about him is that he tries too much to love me. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
I am working and can feed myself and the kids. I do not really need him in my life. Don’t you think taking time apart is the best idea?
I do not know what to do, but I just need time to be alone.
CM, Manja, via WhatsApp, Blantyre
You are a typical married woman. Most of them hate their husbands. Most of them want time alone. Married women fascinate me. You are a typical wife—wives who have issues. I am not taking about domestic violence. If a woman is beaten or harmed and wants time apart, I would understand.
But no. You and your likes want time apart because the husband came home late from a drinking session at 10pm, yet your fathers never ever slept at home. Some married women want time apart because their men do not go to church. Some because their men snore or come too quickly.
But I guess it’s all because women were lied to. Listen, the nonsensical propaganda that absence makes the heart grow fonder is plain stupid. You will lose your man. This is the idea that when your loved one is far away from you, it will somehow make you love them more, what nonsense. In fact, what is more likely to happen for many married couples is ‘out of sight, out of mind’. What follows is irresponsible behaviour, justified by the other’s absence.
I can tell you with my right hand on my heart, that the day you leave the house, he will bring a beautiful woman to sleep with him. Woman, your man is starving! And by the way, who doesn’t know what happens when a couple agree to ‘take time apart’ to think about the relationship? Do you need the village fat woman with beads around her waist to sing for you to confirm that the relationship where couples live apart is more or less over?
Don’t fool me with ‘I want time apart’ crap. I have been there eight, eer nine times. If your partner says you need ‘time apart’, those words should be just as frightening as the words “it’s over”.
I am Catholic and do not believe in the word ‘the marriage is over’. So, hear me out. Talk to your man today. Tell him how you feel about him. He will fix the areas irritates you on.
Give the guy a chance, he is a good guy. Kudzikonda eti!
Big Man Wamkulu