When to tell a kid about their HIV status

A child who is on Anti-retroviral Therapy is bound to ask, at some point, as to why they take medication every day. As a parent or guardian, you will be forced to tell the truth. But the stigma that prevails among us on issues concerning HIV and Aids makes it really hard to disclose to a child about his or her HIV positive status. When and how can you let a child know about their status? Dumase Zgambo-Mapemba looks into this issue.

Moses (not real name), is a healthy and vibrant looking child who was born with HIV. When he was around the age of five, he asked her father as to why he takes medication every day. The father felt like he was too young to understand. He just made up a story. But now that he is about to turn nine, he is asking questions that are related to this issue. The family does not know how to tell him and when.

This is the dilemma that some families face.

According to Marie Donahue, a paediatric nurse practitioner, and technical advisor, who has worked in Malawi and other African countries, delaying disclosure can confuse children and leave them with feelings of isolation, mistrust, and anger.

She says many children report feeling relieved once they are told their diagnosis, and most express the wish to have been told earlier. To ease the difficulty of disclosure to children, it is essential to view disclosure as an ongoing process rather than a one-time event.

But when is the right time?

Dr. Chiwoza Bandawe, Associate Professor in Psychology, College of Medicine, says it depends on the maturity of the child.

“Generally, children should be told between the ages of seven and 10, though some have suggested as young as five. Telling them when older can bring resentments, especially in cases where the child has been positive since birth,” he says.

He believes the child should be told gradually. As they grow older, they can be given more information and what the implication of being HIV positive is. There should be space for them to ask as many questions as possible.

How do you tell the child?

Anthony Sefasi, senior lecturer and Dean of the Faculty of Social Sciences -Catholic University of Malawi, who is also a counsellor, concurs with Bandawe. He further encourages the guardians to let a counsellor handle the issue.

“Such children should be in the hands of a competent counsellor who will professionally assess mental health of the child, and disclose the status in an atmosphere that will make it possible that any bad reaction can also be appropriately handled”.

He says that most children are willing to know why they are taking regular medication, or why they are being treated differently from the rest. He adds that without supportive guardians the process can be disastrous.

Do you need to inform others about the child’s status?

If you plan to tell someone else other than medical personnel, think carefully about your reasons for doing this. Does the person really need to know? Will it make a positive difference to the wellbeing of your child? Who else might this person tell? What will the consequences be if other people find out?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spiritual family

Washing tips

In most homes, a special day is set for washing clothes. It is usually either at the beginning or end of the week, whichever suits them. Washing day is always a busy day. The day can be made easier if one gets ready for it the previous day. Make sure everything required is made available.

Clothes should be sorted out in piles e.g. woollens, silks, coloured cottons, bed linen, table linen, silks, handkerchiefs, white clothes, and very dirty things. Have enough soap, starch, and fabric softeners. The clothes to be washed have to be checked carefully in order to remove pins, and needles. If some are torn, roughly mend the garments just to hold together the pieces so that they are not torn further.

Attention should be given to the collars, armpits, waistlines, and hems when washing. These are the areas that get dirty the most. Washing on a nice sunny day is better than on a cloudy day. On a sunny day, clothes will dry quickly before dampness spoils the garments.

As the woman of the house, remember the following in case a house helper is doing the washing for you: If you can, try to wash your spouse’s clothes yourself. Your attention to the washing will signify your caring attitude to your spouse. As you are washing his shirt, you will be reflecting on him as a partner.

You can also use this opportunity to talk to your God about your spouse e.g. thanking God for his life etc. Sort out your bedroom laundry before releasing it out to be washed by the helper. Check all pockets and take out all briefs, handkerchiefs, and socks.

Briefs, handkerchiefs, and socks are very personal and intimate clothes, create time and wash them yourself.

Enjoy your laundry day as you show love and care to your family!!