Wife has abdicated responsibilities

Dear BMW,

I am a 34-year-old married man. My wife literary does nothing in the house. If she is not at a bridal shower, wedding, her friend’s birthday party or village bank meeting, she is at the pub drinking all night long.

The few hours she spends at home, after work, and her frequent business travels, she is either sleeping or watching ‘Wives of Atlanta’.

My wife does not cook, clean the house, wash laundry, change beddings or care for our two children. What angers me most is that she does not avail herself when duty calls for my conjugal rights. She flees from the bedroom as if she has been bitten by a spider at any slight move to get rid of her clothes.

I have talked to ankhoswe but to no avail. And now I suspect she bribes everyone with her money. Even my parents pay a deaf ear when I complain to them that my she is useless and lazy, because every month she sends them money.

BMW, my wife has abdicated her responsibilities. Should I fire her?

Help please.

Tucky T, Balaka, via WhatsApp

Dear Tickling Tucky,

You tickle me greatly with your desperation to get bedroom coffee from your wife. You want it sizzling, creamy and hot. But, it appears, your wife is no coffee maker. Neither does she want to be your cup of tea.

I sympathise with you.

Like you, I must be worried. Who is drinking your wife’s coffee?

I will tell you what, you are not alone. Many women are being starved by their husbands of better life in between the sheets. In the same vein, some men, like you, are denied their conjugal rights.

That, for me, is prison.

In your case, it gets deeper that she apparently ‘bribes’ even your parents that your voice is nothing but a whisper, a careless whisper. It falls on deaf ears, unfortunately.

I have seen better days, Tucky, better days. I have seen worse days. Although you do not say it, my first impression is that you are not that endowed in the pocket as your wife. My other presumption is that you are younger than your better half. Apparently, she is your better three-quarters!

This is what happens when you get to marry someone who is neither your class nor your age. Forget that thing about age is nothing but a number. Indeed, relegate to the trash-can your feeling that money can’t buy happiness. At least, it buys anything that we want to make us happy.

So, your wife has even bought your parents! This world, indeed, is not our home.

Your parents will dance to her song. Even where it is off-tune, you find yourself dancing to her music as well. She has you tied. You are enslaved.

How sure are you that she goes to social events like nobody’s business? Look, I am not a male chauvinist pig, but I will tell you like it is. You are a signpost for your wife. She married you my dear! And you are very much afraid to get out of that bondage because you know she will squeeze you financially!

Without beating about the bush, I have seen some young men in your situation. There older, richer wives found them jobs, treated their apongozi to all the groceries, zitenje, makilo and all the rub. The apongozi closed all eyes and ears to counsel from friends that they should not let their children marry a richer, older wife. To no avail. Who doesn’t want the good things in life?

Two years in marriage, the boy is treated like a pile of whatever can come out of Trump’s mouth. The boy is treated like a pit from kumtaya wa Mzedi!

If you ask me, I will tell you: Make hay while the sun shines. Get yourself secured financially, by whatever means. Then, walk out of the prison and drink the creamy, sizzling bedroom coffee from another cup. n