Child favouritism: The bad side
When parents have a baby, people say, the love and the bonding comes naturally. But what happens for parents to begin to favour one child over the other? Is this normal? In this article, PAIDA MPASO writes about the effects and causes of child favouritism.
There’s no denying it. In any household with more than one child, children seem to naturally compete for their parents’ love and attention. And mothers swear they love every child equally. But is this true?
Generally, as children grow, they begin to show their true colours and that is when parents begin to differentiate who from who.
Lilongwe resident and business woman Rachel Banda (not her real name) claims that her parents favoured her last born sibling who happened to be very intelligent.
“I will not hide. My brother was intelligent and still is, but my parents favoured him too much and we did not like it. You can you imagine your own parents favouring your sibling over you. I felt like my parents were telling me that they did not need me,” says Banda.
She says the only reason she lived with her parents was because she was too young to move out.
“Obviously, I could not move out. But given the chance I would have earlier on. The situation was bad. My other brother and I were treated like trash. They never appreciated us and I think that is why my favoured brother misbehaved a lot. He would at times steal from my parents,” she narrates.
Family expert Diston Chiweza says showing preference for one child over another has a negative impact on both the favoured and disfavored children.
Chiweza says while the favoured children might be given all that they need, they have a potential to follow the path of self destruction.
“It’s like one of the Charles Dickens books. The favoured were intelligent but had no feelings, while the unfavoured had emotions and love for their friends. And if not taken care of, such children are likely to end up this route,” he says.
According to Chiweza, parents may favour children for different reasons such as good behaviour, but this should not be condoned. He says parents need to understand the needs of their children.
College of Medicine-based psychologist, Chiwoza Bandawe, says parents need to equally love their children by spending time with them and upholding their strengths in an equal manner.
“If it’s spending time with their children, then let parents do that. As long as they are favouring one child, such children have the potential of hating one another. This may cause family conflict, and in the long term this can cause mental issues,” he says.
