Dating a friend’s ex

In the rules of feminism, pursuing a friend’s former lover is considered one of the coldest things a woman could ever do to another.

In most cases, dating a friend’s ex spells trouble, especially if she was in too deep into him.

But is dating a friend’s ex always the backstabbing and insensitive move people make it out to be? Under what circumstances is it acceptable to pursue your friend’s former love interest?

Painting a scenario where a friend and the new love interest dated back in their high school days and where one has not been in constant touch with their friend who dated the particular man, Chifundo Kamba from Blantyre thinks in such a case, it should be alright to date the friend’s ex.

She says this considers the fact that the two dated while immature and no friend would mind.

Agreeing with Kamba, Anganile Makaka feels there should not be any problem dating a friend’s ex, especially when the friend has moved on and probably even gotten married.

“I personally don’t see any problem with that, as long as you are not the one who came between them,” she says.

On the contrary, Tamanyawaka Kumwenda says a friend’s ex is simply a no gone zone.

“I see people do it, but I personally can’t and find it very awkward. That is pretty much the same as me dating my sister’s ex. It may be awkward and your relationship with the friend may not be the same,” she says, but admits that no one owns anyone and everyone is free to date who they please.

Esther Njiwa is a Chancellor College graduate whose degree has a bias in sociology.

Her view; it is socially unacceptable for one to start dating a friend’s ex. According to her, it might suggest to the ex-lover that he or she was being cheated on in the course of the relationship.

“It may not be so, but socially, that is what the ex would think. He or she will assume they had been lied to by both the boyfriend or girlfriend. Secondly, it might also suggest that this third party is what caused the break-up and most likely, the relationship between this new couple and the ex will not be a good one,” she says.

Njiwa thinks it is even worse if the two are or were very close friends that shared secrets and personal issues.

She notes, however, that the world we live in today is a no care world where people always say pachoka mnzako pali malo and would happily take the place of their friends in a relationship.

“People tend to prioritise love at the expense of friendship and close relation. In the end, we lose both love and friendship, but socially it is not acceptable to date your friend’s ex. n