Does God provide abusive spouses?

A lot of Christians at some point in their lives pray to God for the ideal partner. However, if, a few years into the marriage, the love stops flowing and the cruelty starts raining, should we put the blame on God for leading us to an abusive husband or wife? Dyson Mthawanji asks.

Almost everyone, whether male or female, dreams of meeting and marrying a good partner. Nobody wishes for a marriage that would bring misery upon their lives. Little wonder that several Christians turn to God by praying hard for Him to give them a good marriage partner.

Matthew 7:7-8 is clear on what Christians should do when they lack something: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you…”

Obviously, many Christians are encouraged by this verse to ask whatever they want from God. Nowadays most Christians are praying to God asking for a marriage partner. However, the media constantly carries stories of domestic violence and surely, Christians happen to be among the victims of the vice. They were given a marriage partner who has now turned violent, uncaring and unloving.

Does this mean that God also provides violent and cruel spouses? This question comes in considering that Matthew 7:9-10 says: “Which of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone? Or if he asks a fish, will give him a snake?

“It is wrong for us to say God can give you an abusive spouse. God gives you a particular person for marriage because that person suits you. But, because we are living in a sinful world, the spouse may change their behaviour. Therefore, this does not mean God led you to a violent spouse,” says Felecia Zalangwa who worships at Calvary Family Church in Mponela.

Concurring with Zalangwa’s sentiments, Bishop Mark Kambalazaza, who is the founder of Charismatic Redeemed Ministries and a former Catholic priest, says it is important that people use a prayer to ask for their needs from God but he is quick to point out that it is not right to say God also gives violent spouses to people.

“It is true that God may give you a spouse who later becomes violent, uncaring and unloving. But that does not mean God has cheated you,” says Kambalazaza.

He adds: “The biggest problem with many Christians is that when God has answered their prayer by giving them a husband or wife, they relax; they stop praying for that marriage to be always blessed. They think the fight for a good and happy marriage is over. This is the time the devil intervenes and regrets on being yoked to a particular spouse start to surface.”

Father Alois Podgran, a Youth Chaplain for Lilongwe diocese of the Roman Catholic Church, says when one prays for something from God, they must first accept that God is in-charge of everything; therefore, He knows what to give His people.

He advises that when God has answered you by giving you a spouse, it is important for you to live a holy life by being morally and spiritually excellent.

“How can you expect your marriage to be a blessed one when you continuously sin? We should not take God for granted by rushing to Him only when things are tough for us and then shunning Him when everything is going smoothly.

“Furthermore, it is not right to think we are cursed when things go contrary to our wishes. We must be obedient to God always and the marriage will be violence-free,” concludes Father Podgran.