Get well soon, Madonna
Led by our indefatigable, infallible, inimitable, unimpeachable Genuine Professor, Abiti Joyce Befu, MG 66 and MEGA-1, we are herein Changsha, China, trailing President Lazarus MacCathy Chakwera and his entourage to ensure that he asks the people of China, meaning the president of this geographically huge and populous country to give us, barter with us, or sell to us in Malawi kwacha, the agricultural inputs that we so desperately need to ensure our food production.
Time is flying and soon we will be in July, which will be five months before the onset of rains in Malawi. The agriculture inputs are needed urgently. Yesterday, in fact. Because we can understand and write Chinese, we will be summarizing and explaining what our president says. Typical of dedicated and loyal presidential media persons, we will be saying even what he has not said to convince the Chinese that they are the best and mostly friendly human beings God ever created.
Last night we were at our hotel restaurant, eating crocodile meat and rice with chopsticks when we heard the news that Madonna, the American pop musician, had been taken seriously ill with a bacterial infection.
Abiti nearly dropped her chopsticks. Mouth agape, she politely arranged her plates and left for the toilet. She took some time there. When she came back, we saw tears in her eyes.
One of our hosts wondered what it was that had bothered her to tears.
“Madonna,” I said, without being prompted.
“What about Madonna?” the host, Hu Ha, wondered.
“She is seriously sick, the PPC has just announced,” I said.
“You believe the PPC?” Hu wondered, producing a smile that ended up in a laughter.
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“Well, in the Ukraine and Russia war, the PPC portrays Russia as losing the war when actually nearly one third of UKraine is under Russian control. When recently Russia bombed Ukraine’s mercenaries in Kramastork, the PPC said Russia had targeted civilians. What type of civilians wear military uniformed replete with military insignia?”
“ Just say you support Russian aggression!” I challenged Hu.
“Gentlemen, excuse me. Talk of wars nauseates me to the stomach,” Abiti said, adding: “You know, Madonna, our Madonna is ill.”
“Yes, Madonna might be ill. Why are you so bothered?”
“ She is a nice and loving woman,” Abiti said, coolly. “She adopted two children from Malawi and raised them as her own. Today, they have grown up into full human beings. In Malawi, they could have died already or grown up to be pickpockets or prostitutes.”
“Interesting. She is indeed good and humane,” Hu said.
“In addition, Madonna is perhaps the only international music star to have chosen and loved Malawi. You know, after adopting the two children, she came back to build a children’s pediatric centre at Queen Elisabeth Central Hospital in Blantyre and some primary schools.”
“She built a pediatric centre for Malawi in Scotland!”
“Blantyre in Malawi. And Queen Elisabeth Central Hospital is a referral hospital there,” I explained.
“Madonna understands corporate social responsibility. And that is why her illness bothers and worries me. I want her to live.”
“Indeed,” Hu said, “Get well soon, Madonna. But, will our ‘get well soon’ messages reacher?”
“ Hopefully,” Abiti muttered.
“ Mohashoi, remember what you came here for,” Hu advised. “Remind your president to convince Cde Xi that Malawi needs the agricultural inputs today; not tomorrow.”
