He cannot ‘run a marathon’

Biggie,

I am 25 and my husband is 15 years my senior. I suspect he is going through a midlife crisis, but all I want from him is to at least show that he cares about me by having marathon sessions with me.

Biggie, I think I was born a bit abnormal because honestly I need more than one-round to get satisfaction. You see, every time I am pumped up for a marathon session, my husband is not up to it. He just lies there like a log and does not make any effort. He whizzes, pants and gasps for air as if he wants to die.

I should have read the warning signs when we were dating. Biggie, when we were dating, he was not showing any interest in sex. I used to visit him when he was living in Lilongwe and we would spend an entire weekend together. He would not do anything to me. I was happy then because I thought we ‘were reserving our energies for the real deal in marriage.’ But alas, I was wrong.

Nowadays, in the morning, I try all my best to wake him up for morning sessions, but he snores back to sleep like a baby. I know he is not cheating because the way he is lazy, no woman in her right frame of mind would take him to bed. But I am not getting any younger. I know he is old, depressed, but hey, I am beautiful, sexy and I do not think I can stop having sex at my age.

Should I divorce him and find a new partner?

Ruby, Area 36, Lilongwe

Dearest Ruby,

I think you got what you deserved because if you saw the red flags that this man could not put up an effort and you still went ahead to marry him! What did you expect? A miracle? Ruby, men are the same, they don’t change and they will never change. What you see is what you get.

If he is a drunkard, he will be a drunkard for the better part of his life. He will not change. If he is a cheat, expect him to cheat with your younger sister or maid. Remember the saying, you can take a boy out of the village but you cannot take the village out him.

This should serve as a lesson to your likes. It is important to take your man for ‘road test’. If you see that they avoid marathons, please do not lose your weaves and eye lashes over such men. They will never change.

If he gasps for air and pants like a baby, do not lose your make-up or lip gross over them. That man will not change, he will only get worse.

I know some will protest, but sex is an art only handful men such as yours truly are good at it.

Ruby, I cannot help you unless you want to meet Biggie in flesh and blood.

Other than that, Ruby, you are on your own. You got yourself in a mess. Your man is lazy, you knew it and have never engaged other women to train him, how else do you think he will change?

Ruby, there is nothing you and I can do about it. Samalani m’dalayo!

Big Man Wamkulu NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!