He is giving you the ‘sliding door’ routine
Biggie,
This man I have been seeing for a short while is giving mixed signals. After ghosting me for over a month, he re-appeared with a business proposal. We are to meet outside my duty station for a week for that deal and he is blaming me for our fallout. He says he will not divulge details, but will lay it all bare when we meet. I am trying to move on because I fell in love with him, but can you tell me what games he is playing? Is the business proposal his way of grabbing my fruits all over again so he can disappear once more? Does he love or care about me?
Rock between a hard place.
*Dearest Lady Disapointed (LD),*
Is this really a problem that you should lose sleep for? Are you new into dating men? Come on, all men do this. Yes, all of them.
Ask any woman, they will tell you that after several seemingly great dates with a new guy, they finally feel like they’ve met someone they enjoy spending time with. But, as soon as they settle on the idea of having this guy around for a while, the unthinkable happens.
He pulls a sliding door routine, an opened window of opportunity that one uses to creep in and out of someone’s life without consequence. They don’t hear from him. They text, call and e-mail him and there is no response.
The first thought is that maybe something bad happened. Maybe he was in a really bad car accident and his texting fingers are paralysed. Or maybe he was in a coma in hospital. But as the weeks go by and reality sets in, the woman begins to think maybe “he just wasn’t that into them”, then boom, he suddenly reappears several weeks later with money, chocolates and good sex.
LD, most dating experts will tell you that this disappearing and magically re-appearing act is quite common, that you’ve done nothing wrong and that this sliding door routine has very little to do with you.
However, I’m here to tell you that the reality is this whimsical Houdini act has nothing to do with illusions or disappearing acts and everything to do with you.
Every woman, regardless of beauty, race, creed or age has encountered a man who’s pulled the sliding door routine. And even though most women will act surprised, convincing themselves and others that they didn’t see the warning signs and that they were totally misled, the truth is we can all see this Houdini coming a mile away, but most women kusamva!
After a night out with a guy or even after the first kiss every woman—so I am told—a strange feeling in the pit of their stomach is felt— something just feels off the mark. I am sure you had that too Lady D. Never ignore that ka warning sign!
The obvious solution for you would be to move into a sliding door routine as well. Give him the silent treatment. When he is with you pretend to answer calls from other men and giggle a lot. Give him ma blueticks a nyoooo!
Pajatu atambwali sametana.
*Big Man Wamkulu*
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