Hubby can’t stand on his three feet

Dear BMW,

My husband does not cheat or drink. He stays at home the whole day eating, sleeping and watching soccer until midnight. At first, I had no problem with him staying at home since he has no job. In fact, after knocking off from work, I would find a clean house, warm food and the pampering most women would only dream of. That was until the bills started piling up, the house started becoming a mess and his performance in bed dwindled.

BMW, most women will tell you that they would swap for anything to have a house husband if only he helped paying the bills, lifted a finger to clean the house and did his job well as a hubby. I, too, is one of such women. But right now, Mr Hubby is not doing any of the above and worse more he can’t rise to the occasion when I am stressed. I am really feed up with him.

I feel like he loves me for my money and the roof that I provide for his bald head. Biggie, I can’t take this anymore and I want out of the relationship.

Why is he failing to stand on his ‘three’ feet?

Tired Wife via WhatsApp, Mzuzu

Dear Tired Wife,

You have every right to be pissed off. I, too, have always regarded kept men with contempt.

Most women will not give their time of day to a man who begs for money.

My wife recently told me that women admire men they see as providers and protectors. Having said that, I also do understand that anyone—man or woman—can fall on hard times financially, so let’s be kind to one another.

What I can say, though, to women out there is that if your husband has lost his job, there is no problem for you to assume the role of breadwinner, and even giving him cash for his beer until he gets back to his ‘three’ feet again. However, for as long as you are the one bringing home the bacon, tell the fool to step up his performance in the bedroom or else you will leave him.

Secondly, tell the fool that he should start looking for jobs and helping around the house, because as it stands, to cut on bills you have to dismiss the maid. Tell him his days of spending time curled up on the couch, watching soccer or late night shows on TV are over.

In fact, draw up a grueling schedule to keep him busy during the day and if he thinks you are joking, read to him 2 Thessalonians 3:10: ‘For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.”

It is a shame that such men find housework emasculating, but have no problem at all accepting money from a woman. If a woman is paying for your upkeep, she better come home to a sparkling house.

Frankly speaking, if you are a house-husband, bear in mind you can’t enjoy the treatment of a regular proper husband. Learn to slave in the house and work your socks off in the bedroom.

As the wise ones say, you can’t cook a pie and eat it too! Ulesi basi!

Big Man Wamkulu

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!

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