Is it wrong to care about his size?

Dear BMW,

There’s a popular saying that goes: ‘Women say they love the little things’ but Biggie, mhu mhu, I thought I knew what they meant until life recently gave me ‘pickaninny’.

BMW, I know you are a man, but have you ever imagined a woman meeting a man and falling head over heels, go through the chat and the tickles and the sweet nothings and end up falling so in love with him and then on the day the relationship finally gets intimate, the size of the man’s thing simply breaks her heart so bad that they do not ever want to get in that bed again with him?

Like I have just gone through all that!

I was in bed with such a man a few months ago. After I wasted several months of dating via WhatsApp, I was so hurt I could not tell him to his face till a few days after. I just sent him a curt text saying I would like us to remain friends without the intimacies because honestly, it did not happen for me.

I will not lie to you that I love the guy after what I saw.

Do you think I am wrong for calling it quits over his size?

Mpingwe Lady, via WhatsApp, Limbe


Mpingwe Lady,

I know size matters. But then, what do you wish for when you want a big size? Should it be oversize?

We men sometimes suffer from small goods syndrome. This, for me, is trigerred from watching so much porn, where size is taken as one of the prerequisites for good performance. For that matter, it is this ‘inferiority complex’ that has led some men to dismal performance.

Well, you talk about this first experience with the man. How much effort did you put in trying to understand where your satisfaction lies? I am asking because if I were a woman and had a man endowed with a mbvunguti kind of equipment who goes bang-bang-bang poooooh and a man not so blessed who takes you through a whole session that takes you over the moon, I would certainly choose satisfaction.

You see, sex is more than physical. It is psychological as well.

I know some are wondering why I have to speak for the muted of men with small goods. Well, I am not a voice for the voiceless, but a voice for the muted voices.

Men with micro-stuff suffer a lot, and in silence. In those secondary school days, when it came for time in the shower, they suffered the worst of ridicule. In fact, most reported late for classes because they resorted to going into the shower after their big brothers had already washed their bodies.


In your case, where did you get the comparison from? If Mr Big Stuff once made you moan and groan, why did you two part ways? Could it be, sadly, that he thought you were overtly too narrow for him? I always see a half-filled bottle in anything, not a half-full one.

On what you can do, please don’t consult your man to go for the enlargement thing. Don’t. It is worthless.

Rather, you can have him go for a cognitive behavioural therapy that will help him understand that smallness is not the first drive for sexual satisfaction. You too have to undergo that therapy, to understand that Mr Big Stuff is not all that matters but the very experience of this pleasant pleasure.

Don’t ask me whether I am small or big, because I don’t know what is big, small or average.

I almost forgot, please. Vote wisely! Vote for the prototype of yours truly, BMW.


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