My boyfriend’s wife irks me

 Dear BMW,

I am writing this with a heavy heart. My boyfriend of five years has bought a new Rush for his wife, although I was jealousy, I had no problem with it.

But what has angered me to write you is the fact that barely a month, the wife has bashed the vehicle and has taken my boyfriend’s car while hers is being panel-beaten.

So as you can imagine, his car is also mine. When he has no vehicle, I have to use public transport.

To be honest I hate public transport. Just last week, a grown ass woman and a corporate type to boot passed wind in the minibus that I was in leaving the darn place smelling like a dumpsite and did not even bother to apologise. Instead, she kept her face glued on her smart phone.

Then there is the behavior of some conductors who grope you as you board their buses not to mention their stinky mouths. I also waste a lot of time on the road as minibus drivers stop to say hi to road side idlers they know and try to fill up the bus.

I have pleaded with my boyfriend not to give in to his wife’s demands and take his car back but he says I should stay away from his marriage issues.

BMW, I feel like my boyfriend does not care about me, because if he does, he would seriously tell the wife that it inconveniences me a lot when she takes the car away from him (of course she doesn’t know I exist).

Do I have a right to confront the wife myself?

DC, via WhatsApp, Likuni

Dearest DC,

I must admit that going out with a girl like you should be categorised as an extreme sport like UFC or wrestling. I know young men who are suffering under narcissistic selfish women like you who turn relationships into an occupation.

My dearest DC, you and your lazy folks don’t want to work for your money and as soon as a man shows interest in you, a man already owes you rent. All you want is to milk the man’s pockets till it bleeds.

Men out there please listen, if

you did not inherit a vast amount of wealth from your parents, if you are not a Cashgater, or a hot car dealer, or running a fake NGO, please, find yourself a village girlfriend, wogulitsa tomato, mtedza or the maid to take off the steam if bae is causing a lot of trouble. But stay away from these town hawks.

You see, the moment you fall under the spell of these adulterous women, you are done. Everything becomes about her. She wants you to buy new dresses for every occasion and sponsor the hair that she’ll show up with at such events.

They also want to be driven to and fro, she wants to get drunk on the most expensive liquor available every weekend. Hey, men I cry for you.

To you DC, the last time I read Proverbs 9:17, it read: “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is tasty!” Unless that verse has been changed then go ahead and confront the wife. But if I were you, I would keep calm for fear of getting my face panel beaten.

Leave the wife to enjoy her hubby’s stuff in peace, dyera eti!

Bayendani pansi mama,

Big Man Wamkulu

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