No female presidential candidates in 2014?

Sheikh Jean-Philippe Sc, ‘Mandela’ and I spent more than two hours at the Moneky Bay filling station PTC shop, drinking fantakoko. In deference to Mandela, Sheikh Jean-Philippe turned down my proposal to migrate to an open-air bottle store located a few metres from the filling station. So, we sat there drinking fantakoko. Mandela kept probing us about what prompted medical scientists and politicians to suddenly start believe that HIV could be prevented through male circumcision.

Sheikh Jean-Philippe tried to convince Mandela that according to medical scientists, out of every one hundred medically circumcised men, between 51 and 60 are likely not to catch HIV if they sleep with somebody living with HIV and AIDS.

“I repeat, Bwana Mandela, male circumcision, medical or otherwise, does not provide full protection against HIV infection,” Sheikh Jean-Philippe emphasised slowly as if Mandela were dumb.

“But that is not the message that we hear here,” Mandela countered.

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“If you ask any young man in the make or pub or beach, the message here is that male circumcision is a warrant to sexual freedom. The message here is that once circumcised, you can have sex with a person living with HIV and AIDS and all will be well,” Mandela went on.

“That’s really sad, because any preventing measure, vaccine or medicine that protests or cures only 51 to 60 people in every one hundred is not good enough to warrant such euphoria,” Sheikh Jean-Philippe said.

“Then why do you learned people keep telling us that male circumcision is the answer to HIV infection? We sat here believing that there is no cure, no vaccine, no prevention against HIV; but you, learned people, started telling us that male circumcision is the answer. Now that we have believed you, learned people, you start blaming us for believing what you told us?”Mandela asked.

“Your Ministry of Health and Aids organisations need to do some serious damage control if indeed male circumcision has been so misunderstood.”

I went inside the shop to buy another round of fantakoko. I collected three bottles from the deep freezer and took them to the till operator. As she punched in the prices, I asked about where she lived, her name and if she was married.

“What do you want, mainly?”

“Company. Female company. You know happiness is man plus woman thinking together, eating together, walking together, suffering together, and, well, dying together. In love, they say, one plus equals to one,” I said.

“You want to die with me or to kill me?”

“Kill you? Do I look like a woman killer? Do I, really, honey?”

“Honey ndaniyo?”

“It’s OK. For us, men, a “no” from a beautiful woman like you is as positive as a “yes”.

“Koma inunso! Where do you work?”

“I am Sheikh Jean-Philippe’s driver,” I said and slipped my business card together with the money onto the bench. She collected both. She peered at the card and smiled, her face forming those infantine dimples.

“The NA will tell you where I live. We knock off around six p.m.,” the till operator said.

“NA?”

“Mandela. He calls himself the Native Authority of Monkey Bay because he knows almost everyone and everything about Monkey Bay,” the till operator said, laughingly.

When I got out I found both NA Mandela and Sheikh Jean-Philippe asleep. I shook them into life.

“I was listening to your conversation,” Seikh Jean-Philippe said rubbing sleep from his face. Mandela also woke up and we started talking again. As we took our halaal drinks, NA Mandela asked us why President Joyce Banda was not standing as president in the next year’s elections.

“Which President Joyce Banda?” I asked, rather confused, “Who says she will not stand?”

“You don’t know? Everybody here knows that. The radio announced sometime back.”

“Stop joking, NA Mandela, please?” sheikh Jean-Philippe pleaded.

“I am serious. You see, the radio said the Malawi Electoral Commission has reduced nomination fees for all female contestants. But there is no special fee for female presidential candidates. What does that mean to you? Only men will compete for the post of president and President Joyce Banda will not stand,” NA Mandela said rhetorically.

“Or it means President Joyce Banda is a man!” Jean-Philippe joked.