How can one find a faithful man?
JV, by email
You write so briefly for someone with such a big problem who wants to be assisted by Big Man Wamkulu. I deserve a bit of respect and writing in such short, cryptic statements hardly hints at respect. It is an insult to me and my talents of solving—and occasionally complicating—people’s social and sexual problems and I take particular exception to that. I demand some respect. However…
I don’t know whether you want my response to be sugarcoated or just plain, but I guess the lot of you would not mind having it both ways—forgive the pun, it was entirely unintended.
Here goes the sugarcoated version: All men are faithful, trustworthy, dependable and dedicated—at least, I am all of that. The problem is that women look for a man who only exists in fantasyland. Women want a man who is without blemish, will tend to their every need, is a fantastic cook, will buy them presents every day, is excellent in bed, take them to five-star hotels almost every day, drives a Merc or BMW, has a fat bank balance, takes them to the lake every weekend, will be at their side 24/7. Even fantasyland is running out of such men. There are only a few of us left.
But men also want women who are without blemish, will tend to their every need, are fantastic cooks, will buy them presents every day, are excellent in bed, take them to five star hotels almost every day, drive a Merc or BMW, has a fat bank balance, take them to the lake every weekend, will be at their side 24/7. Fantasyland has never stocked those types of women since Adam and Eve were chased out of the Garden of Eden.
The bitter version: Good luck finding a faithful man. Ever heard of the Chichewa proverb ‘Mwamuna ndi kabudula, amathera moyenda’? I must confess, that that sort of wisdom exists only among the Bantu, so there is no English equivalent—or at least none that expresses the same words of wisdom that convey helplessness and an adventurous spirit of a man. All men, all living men, are unfaithful, untrustworthy, undependable, undedicated and adventurous—at least, I am just some of that, just a little. They love an adventure just like kabudula. Adventure and faithfulness are not a bolt-and-nut relationship.
You, my dear JV, are looking for perfection where there is none. Trust is about perfection and all men are not perfect. They are all sinners and you cannot find trust in a sinner. It’s all there in the Bible in Romans 3: 23: “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”
Lastly, if you continue communicating in such short and cryptic questions, you will never find a man—let alone one who is trustworthy.