Now you like him, now you don’t!
A lot of times, you hear people say “he’s not the person I used to know; he changed”! “I don’t know what happened, she just changed”! At other times, the blame isn’t put on anyone at all, so you actually hear “things changed!”
So what does this statement mean? Or should the question be: How does this even happen? Recently, I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine and this came up. We dwelt on it for so long and he just kept asking, what do people really mean by this “change” thing? Well, being the person I always get to be, I tried to explain this (from my point of view of course).
Ok. So I’ll paint a picture with Miss and Mr Right.
Miss Right has always had dreams. For her career, she’s always wanted to be her own boss someday. She has also always dreamt of having a family; for her, the perfect man and hubby (eventually), would be a tall, light skinned, cute handsome guy who always looks dapper, has a good command of English, err, let’s say all definitions of hot! Fast forward years down the line, she meets who she is convinced is her Mr Right. Well, apparently, he has to a large extent, what she has always wanted. She eventually accepts there is nothing perfect but, he is close to perfect in her eyes so she will have him.
They kick off wonderfully. They start off with friendship and then, as time passes, she falls in love with him and he falls in love with her too. Friends begin to envy their relationship; people see them and go “aww, too cute”. You know that perfect couple? Yes, that’s them. Four years pass by and her friends begin to say to her “I’ll be on your bridal train o”, “ah ah, how far aso ebi now?”, but for what it’s worth, there are a lot of things going on internally which these friends know close to nothing about.
So Miss Right has been dating Mr Right and she’s began to discover him as a person a lot more. She’s also learning to accept him for who he really is. The problem now is, just when three years had passed, things changed between them. Now, Mr Right seems to be “different” in her eyes. A lot of things he does just seems to be annoying to her, she feels bored in the relationship, she no longer longs to talk to him every single day and she just wants to quit! Ok ok. I’m sure some of you might be thinking this isn’t reasonable, but Miss Right can argue it is. So, she’ll tell you, I’m not as excited anymore. I’m tired of this routine life we now both live. I talk to him because I have no choice.
Valid argument? Maybe not. But she isn’t even done telling you her problems. “We don’t discuss deep things, we just have basic conversations”; “he seems to think he’s always right, hence, I have little say. I don’t even bother to argue over certain things with him anymore, for me, it’s a waste of valuable time because he hardly sees my point”, “I thought he was the one but I doubt it now”; “he always wants me to do what he now wants and he’s forgotten it’s my life-he tells me, don’t wear that, you’ll attract attention, instead wear this because I love it on you (and in my head I’m thinking, what if I don’t love it on me?), I don’t like the fact that you’ve that person as a friend, this and that”. It’s just frustrating. I no longer feel the spark between us anymore! I don’t talk to him like a friend anymore; I talk to him as “we are in a relationship”. Sometimes, I sit and wonder if it all happened too quickly, but I don’t feel that way. Was our initial friendship fake then? Worst of, he doesn’t seem to think or believe there’s an issue. He thinks I’m just acting up and it’ll pass.—Bella Naija
Let’s have a conversation on this.
llupiya@mwnation.com.
Goodluck!
