Should friends share one’s marital issues?

A good number of women hardly keep their marital issues to themselves. Women usually have confidants to offload their marital matters that include intimacy woes.

These confidants include their female friends. But is it right to discuss marriage issues with close friends?

Pastor Constance Masamba, a marriage counsellor thinks intimate issues should never leave the bedroom door.

“Marriage is sacred and should be treated as such. There are a lot of issues friends can discuss, but intimacy issues shouldn’t be one of them.

“If problems arise, women should seek help from marriage counsellors who are well conversant with fundamentals of marriage because they can offer constructive advice unlike friends who usually help broadcasting the problems, thereby, blowing them out of proportion.” says Masamba.

She further discouraged the tendency of posting marital issues on social media, saying it’s a childish way of seeking help.

“What people achieve after posting their problems on social media is usually a collection of useless advice and loss of trust by the spouse. This further dilutes the marriage and worsens the situation,” said Masamba.

Psychologist Chiwoza Bandawe, however, said matters of each house must be discussed by the inhabitants because they are the ones concerned.

“There’s no point complaining to a friend on marital problems, especially intimate one while leaving the accused unaware of his problems and expect change. If change is what one is looking for, then she must discuss the problem with the potential agent of change,” he said.

Bandawe further said if an issue is to escape walls of a matrimonial home in the name of seeking solutions; it must be with the blessings of the spouse.

“You see if you find assistance from outside, then your spouse must be aware there’s a discussion somewhere involving him because, mostly, when men learn they are being discussed elsewhere without prior knowledge of the intended discussion, they lose their minds.

“Also, if couples are to be on the same page, then they must be together in the process of acquiring outside input. Being ahead in knowledge while leaving the partner behind creates more problems,” he added.

Bandawe believes that the best advice should come from older and experienced couples than mere friends.

“There are friends who just give a listening ear and don’t really help.

Others give subjective advice because they only know a single side of the story. Moving forward women must learn from couples that have survived similar situations,” he said.

Sociologist Charles Chilimampunga, too, said friends are not experts on marriage issues, therefore, must never be consulted.

“There must be limits as regards what to share with friends. Issues of intimacy and other personal issues must never be shared with friends nor should friends be regarded as advisors because they sometimes have limited knowledge,” said Chilimampunga.

“It’s the duty of marriage counsellors to help couples when they experience problems. However, only issues that will strengthen the marriage are the ones to be discussed with the marriage counselors because they are times their opinions do nothing, but dissolve marriages,” added Chilimampunga.