Suffering with a smile on the lips

It may seem strange, but responding to aches with smiles—in the name of politeness—is what many people do more than often, even when it works to their disadvantage.

Many are the times that victims of ‘mild’ forms of sexual harassment, such as a pat on the butt, choose to hide their mortification in a polite smile for fear of being seen to exaggerate a small jokey matter.

Someone throws a sexist remark at you and your whole being feels violated, but instead of displaying a frown of disapproval, you find yourself smiling meekly at the wrongdoer.

Without your permission, a boss touches the ‘untouchable’ part of your body and when you know that the best move you could make in that instant is to slap his or her face, you smile politely.

A colleague gives you that offensive stare; an insulting and demeaning gaze that mocks your decency, but all you do is grin politely or giggle instead of just telling them off.

Strange isn’t it? I have seen the smiles; heard about them and given them several times.

In trying to be nice to people, we sometimes overlook offences that end up swelling into great menaces for not only our lives, but also others in the communities we live in.

Some of the serial harassers would have long stopped their tricks had some their victims stood up to them and put a stop to their actions instead of choosing to suffer in silence or ignoring such attacks.

Sometimes the politeness emanates from the fear of losing a job or a friendship, such that for many victims, it is better to sacrifice their interests while they accommodate other people’s habits that seriously undermine their own happiness.

Politeness is a virtue, but there is a certain level of graciousness that is hazardous to one’s welfare and sets a wrong precedent in how people relate with you or others.

If a statement, a touch or stare irritates you, a polite no is better than a smile that won’t stop the harassment.

A smile that follows an action that violates you is a cowardly gesture that further demoralises you and gives power to the abuser to perpetuate harassment.

Such cases of harassment presents an opportunity to either give power to the abuser or stop the abuse in its tracks.

The smile certainly doesn’t help.