Thanking govt for raising the dead and promoting them

Court clerk: All rise! (as Judge Mbadwa enters the courtroom and assumes his seat) We demand total silence. The court of honourable Mbadwa is now in session.

Judge Mbadwa: Counsel for the Association of Relations to Departed Public Servants and concerned native authorities wants to address the court on his application to commit to prison the Minister of Education and his Permanent secretary and Chief Secretary of Government for not respecting the dead.

Counsel Chingatichifwe, although your application appears surreal, the court, however, believes every case can be handled by a tribunal like this one as long as there is legal merit in issues that are brought before it.

Chingatichifwe: My Lord, it is not the dead that I am representing in this case, but their relations who feel government is deliberately trying to open wounds that healed when they interred the remains of their relatives before government unceremoniously sanctioned resurrection of the people who have been buried seven feet under for over decades, in some cases, and sponsored their ascendancy into heavens of promotions they could not get when the roamed these parts of the earth with chalk-dust hands.

My Lord, my clients think government committed a taboo in its zeal to show that it cares for its teachers by deliberately exhuming bodies of those who died in poverty and dressed their cracking skeletons in borrowed promotional clothes that came with an increment in salary; a salary they will not even earn anyway.

My Lord, we feel that using the dead to create an impression that the government cares for the welfare of teachers is the same as insulting the modesty of the dead and their surviving relations.

We believe the dead have a right to rest in eternal peace; hence the exhumations and the subsequent parading of the resurrected teachers is something society cannot stomach.

 While we acknowledge that we are in Easter season, we did not need the bizarre enactment of the resurrection of Jesus Christ and his ascendancy into heaven by involving poor dead teachers when those who really need promotion are wallowing in poverty and are playing the roads of Nyasaland.

It is our considered view that even the mere promotion of dead teachers just a couple of weeks before the Easter season was itself a disrespect of the Easter season and the resurrection of Christ, something that should have ordinarily earned the controlling officers a death by stoning because they pretended to perform a supernatural act that is reserved for the supernatural.

My Lord, we feel that the controlling officers should have done due diligence before promoting dead teachers and their failure to do so smacks of negligence, hence, our application to commit them to prison. I rest my case.

Mbadwa: We understand that this is a campaign season but that is no warrant for people to be overzealous in trying to win votes. For falsely enacting a resurrection and a forced ascension of dead teachers, the controlling officers committed not only a taboo but a crime.

They were found trespassing inn graveyards disturbing the terrain therein. Controlling officers deserve to be fined and imprisoned in accordance with Nyasaland Public Finance Management Act when their acts make institutions lose taxpayers money.  I consequently, commit the minister and his controlling officers to prison to be released on resurrection Sunday.  n