Wife’s friend lured me to bed

Dear BMW,

A family friend lost her hubby some weeks ago; my wife and I, have been her support system. She is part of our family and we are part of her family in so many ways. Because she spends so much time with my wife in our home, she has been very close to me too. Now, that’s where the problem is.

A week ago, my wife left on a business trip to China. Our family friend took advantage of her absence to lure me to bed. She actually walked into our bedroom to ‘chat’ with me. When I told her I did not approve of her actions, she got angry and stormed out. She did not show up at our house again and has never returned my wife’s calls. She has blacklisted our family.

My wife suspects I have been hitting on her grieving friend and might have forced myself on her in her absence. I have tried to explain to her that even if I were possessed I cannot sleep with a grieving woman, but wifey is not buying it.

Big man, inside me I miss the ‘family-friend’ because to be honest, she is beautiful; has an onion booty and chest to die for. And all the time she was with us, I really felt good to be surrounded by two beautiful women. I now feel like I should just go and knock on her door to apologise for rejecting sex. But the good man inside me tells me to be honest with my wife and tell her that the family friend lured me to bed.

What should I do?

DZK, via WhatApp, Lilongwe

Dearest DZK,

You are an idiot. Look what you have done to a beautiful relationship your wife had with this woman. She was her friend and you have messed it all up because of your stupidity. Come on, man, what’s wrong with you?

This grieving woman saw in you a comforter. Perhaps you were shocked that a grieving woman wanted some fun from you. Man, there is no “correct” grieving process, and grieving is unique to every individual, but most experts agree that men and women mourn in different ways.

I know one woman, do not ask me who she is, who found sex as an effective tool to relieve her pain. Of course, the man had been abusive to her. But sex, being an intense experience, is one of the few activities with inherent power to offset the terrible pain of loss. So how could you, in your right senses, deny a woman the pleasure? Man, you deserve to be stoned and your body be dragged in the streets.

That said, let me repeat. You are an idiot or one of many idiots who think when a woman asks for some love, they are loose. Times have changed. Women too can sleep with the men they want; married or not. Your family friend just wanted to have sex to chill and you were there to serve that purpose. There was no need to judge her and make her feel like she is a harlot.

Anyway, don’t waste my time, I have to go and celebrate munthu wathu wawina zisankho uku. But next time a woman wants some help from you and you are not ready to do the needful, please call my emergency number at the bottom of this page so that I can help her, pronto!

Ulesi basi.

Big Man Wamkulu

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!

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