Chakwera must try Ching’aning’ani

December 14 2023

Dear Diary,

So, it appears the Malawi political circus is just replaying itself. Just this week, we saw former president Peter Mutharika dressing down the maverick Ken Nsonda. Nsonda had this coming!

Who, in their normal senses, could attend the DPP national governing council meeting summoned by the then secretary general Grezelder Jeffrey and then attend another one summoned by Mutharika? In all fairness, this is inexplicable madness to attend meetings by two opposing factions of the same party.

We will come back to Nsonda. But right now it is clear that Jeffrey has faced the tragedy of secretary generals in Malawi politics. It is difficult to be an SG and not face the wrath of fellow members of the party. I need not go into details but you can look at the political journeys of secretary generals like Dick Matenje, Aleke Banda, Patricia Kaliati, Chris Daza, Kate Kainja, Denis Nkhwazi, Kennedy Makwangwala and Katenga Kaunda.  Their political careers in one party or the other ended when they were embroiled in the factional politics of their parties!

Like everybody else, Msonda is free to associate. But there are certain forms of association that make you look like you have been drenched by the rain while wearing a suit! Before making his way into that Nkopola leisure centre hall, Msonda should have asked himself: Why was Jeffrey absent? Where was Cecilia Chazama? Why on earth did Kondwani Nankhumwa not show a nose?

From the onset, Msonda looked like Tom and Jerry in one as he greeted other attendees when he entered that hall. Even worse, he looked like Spongebob Squarepants when he introduced himself in the meeting.

As a matter of fact, he looked like a character from Ricky and Morty cartoon series when Mutharika, seemingly irked used ungentlemanly words on him.

The point is: Nsonda has himself to blame for being dressed down like a cartoon. It leaves us to speculate. In a TV interview the other day, Msonda complained that his name was missed out of a list for attendees to an important DPP meeting. In that interview, he said it was Norman Chisale, APM’s bodyguard, who fought for his entry. In that interview, our dear and beloved Msonda said he felt he was just being blocked because others didn’t want him to get some allowances.

Like I said, it was his freedom of choice to associate with the very lions he could tame. In the end, what does he tell us? He feels APM is the rightful candidate!

It is apparent that where matters are turning serious, Msonda chooses to play the cartoon. It is plain truth that Msonda is a good fan of comedy. I would suppose President Lazarus Chakwera should consider getting him on the circus train.

Make no mistakes. I don’t suggest that Chakwera should get Msonda for any political reason. He needs the man to spice up the numerous functions he is attending as President.

It is very clear that since we are having too many of these functions, the comedians who are supposed to spice up the events are becoming drier by the day.

There is no sense of humour in Chindime and Phungwako’s performance. If these are national events, why is it that it is only this pair of comedians that is hired?

The two have no laughing powder to spray on little children while at the same time driving home the message of why it was important for the President to attend a function which could have well been handled by a member of his Cabinet.

I can say it again. These functions that Chakwera, and, sadly, his vice Saulos Chilima are patronising are a drain on government resources and a total waste of time. Can we calculate the man-hours top civil servants are losing to attend these fashion shows?

It is common knowledge that amayi a chipani, as they are called mbumba za Chakwera nowadays, get a little something to cheer the leader.

It is common knowledge that so many vehicles have to guzzle fuel to take people to the venues. We know a lot goes into the booking of the hall. So much goes into the food and snacks and a host of other overhead costs.

Now, if Chakwera would not hire Msonda as a comedian for his functions due to his uncertain political inclinations, his aides can think of hiring Ching’aning’ani. He drives points home in humorous ways. The gap in his teeth is comedy itself. He would really make us forget the walkie-talkies at the functions and whatever they say.