Obsolescence of bridal showers
The more I attend bridal showers—which are principally meant to provide marriage counsel to a woman before she walks to the altar—the more I wonder about the relevance of these colorful functions.
In as much as the idea of counseling brides-to-be is not bad in itself, plus a few handy tips that women share during the events, more than often one gets confronted by the feeling that the events are becoming obsolete.
The first discrepancy with bridal showers is that they target the bride only, leaving out the groom. The assumption, I presume, is that he somehow knows how to handle himself in this union when he is in fact another novice that might be more in need of advice than the bride.
Sometimes the groom is invited to listen in to a few selected topics during the bridal shower, but its only about 10 or 20 percent of the advice offered, meaning that the woman is still left with the burden of making the family work, when a marriage is a union of two people who must both put in effort if the marriage is to succeed.
And despite the marriages taking place in this age of gender equality, when the world is advocating for equal treatment of men and women, one rarely hears these aspects being discussed at such forums yet they are crucial to the advancement of equal rights for men and women.
Instead, we see women counselors perpetuating gender imbalances that women have suffered for ages, when they can use that opportunity to advance a message that will create a better family life for the new bride. It is quite unsatisfying to listen to some of the parroted counsel; the same old stuff, memorised and regurgitated without regard to shifting traditions and culture.
Why, for instance, should the bride be told, in the presence of the groom, that mwamuna ndi mwana amapenyapenya iwe ukangomupilira? The incorrect idea that men are like children has diseased society, giving some men free tickets to enjoy extra-marital affairs and misbehave in marriages at the expense of the woman.
Aren’t we taught that men are heads of families? Why, then, should they turn into children when it’s convenient for them to behave like children? Instead of questioning or challenging such funny beliefs, women proudly pass on the wrong message to young couples when they can take advantage of events such as bridal showers to set the record straight and uproot wrong beliefs that society has internalised.
If bridal showers must make sense, they ought to be redefined so that they are in tandem with the times we are living in.
Apart from the grooming and home management tips, bridal showers must also emphasise that today’s woman should strive to be economically independent other than sit at home and burden the husband with the responsibility of fending for her and the children. These events could put across a clear message that women must not tolerate abuse in the name of kupilira and perhaps provide a platform where the women share tips on how they can protect themselves from HIV and Aids that is, unfortunately, finding its way into marital beds.
