Tales of juju

It happened many years back, but I still recall everything that happened. I was a mere eight-year-old Standard four kid when I informed our gardener Agama that there was a girl in our class Tapiwa that I had so much affection for, but I was afraid to pop the question. Agama advised me to consult a witch doctor who operated from Blantyre Market. He said he who would provide me charms that would win Tapiwa’s heart.

The witch doctor charged me 10 tambala, which was quite substantial in those days. He gave me some oily stuff to apply in the face and he assured me that Tapiwa would be mine.

I could not wait to meet Tapiwa the next day at school, but alas! The brush-off I got from her was something else. She shouted all sorts of insults at me while tearing the small note I had written to her which was decorated with the then popular phrases such as ‘kiss-to-kiss’ and ‘your chest is my pillow’. Her friends laughed at me mockingly and I wished the ground could swallow me.

Since then, I have never believed in juju and not even Chileka man Samuel Mayinga’s startling confession in court that he concealed his former wife’s ‘jewels’ so that no other man could have pleasure in them, a situation that led to her new hubby getting increasingly frustrated to the point of seeking divorce because he could not locate the ‘target.’

Every time I recall that tragicomic, it cheers my spirits, but still I do not believe that juju works. Probably that is why DR Congo [then Zaire] engaged one of the best sangomas on the continent when they qualified for 1974 World Cup where they suffered a 9-0 humiliation at the hands of Yugoslavia, equalling a finals record for the largest margin of victory.

It, therefore, beats me that in this day and age, there are some people who believe that juju works in football and in their own small world, Mighty Wanderers believe their seven-game winless streak was because they were bewitched when it was clear that on the pitch, the Nomads were a hopeless, clueless, lifeless and useless side.

And just a month ago, an influential fan who is also a vice-chairperson of a top club even had the cheek to suggest that the Flames are not performing because they no longer use juju. Really? Isn’t it all about sound preparations, good team spirit and organisation? Glory be to God! Uloliwe.. Uloliwe wayidudula hi..Nang’esiza![The train is pushing!]