Why is saying no so hard?

It naturally feels very uncomfortable to turn people down, to disappoint a friend, a pastor and sibling or parent such that we habitually substitute the no in our vocabulary with a yes that often hurts us.

But in trying so hard to please others, we sacrifice our own peace and happiness and sometimes expose ourselves to abuse at the hands of the very people we want to be good to.

I don’t forget the day I experienced the power in saying no to a good friend.

I still remember the unbelief and painful expression on my friend’s face upon hearing the word, but the relief, peace and joy that filled my heart were unparalleled.

The friend had asked me for a favour; it was quite a huge one, but the request was understandable considering the difficult situation the friend was in.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make because this was a friend who had been good to me in every way, but as much as I was in a position to help and although I really felt bad about the friend’s predicament, the requested assistance was not the kind I was prepared to give.

Weighing my options was such a daunting task, but when I finally resolved that no was the right answer, I summoned some courage and approached the friend with what would be disappointing news for them.

And thwarted the friend was, but a big burden was lifted off my shoulders the moment I said “I am sorry I will not be able to help you with that request.”

No is a simple and short word, but how many people find it difficult to use the word and end up saying yes knowing pretty well that the answer should have been no?

Many of us have at some point done things with a grumbling heart, not because we were forced to, but because we wanted to look right in the eyes of other people.

A pastor or church elder asks you for a favour and while your heart says no, your lips fail to produce the word. All you do is smile and say “by all means,” when you know that the yes decision will hurt you in some way.

The inability to say no is a weakness that puts our own happiness secondary to that of others. It’s a feebleness that makes selfish people to take of advantage of us and manipulate us.

Life cannot be about making other people happy all the time. It’s your life and it’s up to you to choose when to make others happy and when not to.

No is not always a bad answer. It may be bad to the other person yes, but good for you.

Keep your no handy.