Dealing with barrenness

The issue of barrenness is not a new thing. But when the woman is at fault most men don’t easily come to terms with the situation. They may keep on demanding the woman to bear them a child or even have a child out of the wedlock. Family experts speak against this tendency in this article with PAIDA KADZAKUMANJA.

Sindile Kapela (not real name) spent 10 years of her marriage trying not only to have a baby but convincing her husband that she would ultimately give him a child. While she continued hoping for a miracle baby, doctors told her that she could not conceive due to issues she was not comfortable to disclose.

Her husband, on the other hand, has been demanding that she give him a child.

“I did almost anything; I wanted a child. I feared my husband would cheat or was already fooling around to father a child. It tore me inside,” says Kapela.

Eventually, she says, they divorced.

“It came to a point where he looked down on me. He would even bring women in our home saying I am not woman enough. He abused me and I divorced him. It’s been seven years now. But I am happy that I adopted a child,” she says.

Information on www.mayoclinic.com says infertility in men is generally low sperm count ability to move (motility) or ability to fertilise the egg.

It also lists the following as some of the reasons: abnormal sperm production due to various problems, such as undescended testicles, genetic defects or repeated infections; problems with delivery of sperms such as premature ejaculation or painful intercourse (dyspareunia); cystic fibrosis and blockage of the part of the testicle that contains sperm.

It further says poor nutrition, obesity, or use of alcohol, tobacco and drugs; overexposure to certain environmental factors such as pesticides and other chemical, frequent exposure to heat in saunas or hot tubs; and damage related to cancer or its treatment.

As for women, the article lists the following: fallopian tube damage or blockage; when uterine tissue implants and grows outside of the uterus; ovulation disorders; early menopause; uterine fibroids; Thyroid problems and medications especially for cancer treatment.

An article on barrenness posted on www.jerrymarshal.hubpages.com says women frequently become barren after a miscarriage or difficult labour. The causes of infertility, however, are much more frequent in women than men and these causes, in general, include obstructions arising from fear, grief, inordinate passions, intemperance and neglect of cleanliness.

The article acknowledges that female infertility causes a great deal of discomfort and can lead to divorce.

But Blantyre Synod CCAP marriage counsellor Hastings Phale says marriages are not supposed to tear apart because there are no children. He says children are a gift from God and that if there are issues prayer should be the utmost weapon.

“There are many barrenness cases that come to me. Usually when such things happen, you find that the man goes out and tries to find a woman who can give him a child and when she conceives they blame the woman. But we are saying marriage is not about bearing children, marriage is the companionship that comes along as a result of the union of a male and a female being,” he says.

Phale advises that couples can always adopt because divorce is not the answer.

“Divorce should not be an option. Instead, let the couple pray over it and if God wants them to have a child, they will have a child. It’s all about time,” he says.

Kachere resident and former traditional birth attendant Mwatitha Bamusi says men don’t want to admit they too face such problems.

“When I was still attending to women, some women would come to me for medication that could help them conceive. They would tell me that their marriages are shaky and that if they did not conceive, their husbands would leave them.

“But the truth is, men also have infertility issues. It’s just that most of them blame the wives. We now have a solution. There is no need to divorce because families can always adopt a child,” says Bamusi.

“I think it’s unfair for men to push for a child, especially if the woman cannot conceive. Men give women unnecessary torture, as if the pain that comes with not having a child is not enough,” adds Bamusi.