‘Marriage needs preparation’

Not long after getting married to her Mr Right, Gloria set her sights on the future and that vision included children. But as she drove toward those goals, her life—the good life she already had—was passing her by.

Eventually, the two of them knew they could not keep pursuing parenthood. They both knew if they kept forging ahead, their relationship would suffer. However, she could not let go of her dream of motherhood.Wedding_bouquet

There is more to marriage than just a wedding
There is more to marriage than just a wedding

Logically, she knew she had to stop and she made quite a few attempts at getting off the crazy train and find happiness as a family of two. Each time she tried though, some ember of hope would flicker back to life for her and she would have to read one more book, try one more miracle treatment or explore one more new avenue. She just could not let go of the prospect of motherhood.

Ten years into marriage and still childless. They have grown stronger as a couple, ever supportive of each other and are best of friends.

Their bond cannot be compared to many marriages today, where a few years down the marriage lane, the couple no longer stand each other.

Others cannot stand the shame of divorce and would rather stay in an unhappy marriage.

It might appear that many people are preparing more for the wedding and less for the marriage that follows.

Marriage counsellor, Pastor Constance Masamba thinks it is very important for people to understand what marriage is, and what is expected of them in that constitution, before they jump right into it.

“It would take some time for people to understand this and the couples’ counselling on the wedding day may not be enough. They have to be knowledgeable when getting into the marriage. People undergo training to become effective professionals in different areas; the same should apply for marriage. You need to be trained to become a good wife or a good husband,” says Masamba.

She points out that one needs to be patient, tolerant, be able to persevere and have all other Biblical characters to maintain their marriages.

She observes that often people just look at the surface; that they will be freer and that sexually, they will have their husband or wife to satisfy them all the time.

Another counsellor Inkosi Chimalizeni agrees with Masamba, that knowledge on marital matters is key.

He suggests reading books on marriage, having pre-marriage counselling to understand what marriage is really about and become a full time learner of one’s own spouse.

“The day they stop learning their spouse is the day they fall into disagreements. Marriage must be worked on daily until death sets them apart. They also need to understand that patience, sacrifice, confidence and communication are the most important things.

“Most youth today enter marriages without preparation, and then they begin to look for help outside their marriages when things do not work out,” he says.

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