When skeletons remain in the closet

Almost everyone has personal information they like to hold back from sharing until such a time when they can really trust someone.

Such personal information can be anything from an incident from one’s past, a family situation, a financial issue or a medical diagnosis.

The question at hand is: What is the right time to reveal the skeletons in your closet when dating someone? Secondly, do those skeletons really remain hidden away in the closet after all?

Blantyre-based Joyce Kaphiri thinks it is better to get in touch with one’s own sense of intuition when it comes to revealing personal secrets to a new partner.

“No one will know the right moment for you, except you. So, listen to your heart and when you feel certain that your new partner will listen without judging, [then you can tell him].

“You need to do it in a private place where you can have a thorough conversation without being interrupted, but how you share your secret will determine how your partner reacts.

“For instance, if you are embarrassed, send a message that your secret is shameful. If you remain calm and casual, it will set the tone that your secret is just another fact about you and that it is not a big deal,” she explains.

As for whether the skeletons need to remain hidden away in the closet, marriage counsellor Inkosi Chimalizeni says it is important to reveal your past to a new partner.

“I know some people prefer not to, but it is best to reveal. If for instance, you had an abortion before, have a child or children, have been married or are divorced; you need to tell your partner before you get too serious. That will save you a lot, because if he or she discovers on his own, he will never trust you.

“The past will always come around to haunt you, even after you get married. Women who value honour speak the truth shamelessly and great men love and cherish honest women,” he says.

He further says one’s past has generally no effect on the next person and if one leaves a person they loved after being told the truth, it goes to show that they did not love their partners for who they were.

“The challenge with most women is desperation; they want to marry at any cost and they hide vital information during courtship, which is very wrong,” he explains.

Share This Post