Parents bear children, but offspring are not and should not be properties. Many believe having children means dictating to them what to wear, where to go, who to interact with or marry and what career path to take. I write to categorically dispute this assertion. There is a limit to how far we can control children and boundaries have to be set eventually, especially in adulthood.
Clinging to children and wanting to be part of their every decision and moment in life is toxic. A parent who reaches this extent grooms their children to a level where the children don’t realise or resist the toxicity, but simply go along with the madness.
Picture that mother who has tightened her grip on her grown children to the level of them failing to move out or marry. I know of a woman who literally controls her two grown sons to the extent that girlfriends give up after a while because of her meddling. These are men in their 30s, still living with her and surrendering their earnings to her. After church on Sunday, she moves them from one house to another, visiting like five-year-olds. They must have resigned to their fate because ordinarily, they ought to protest, move out and marry. But alas! She has been picking partners for her nephew too, all of which have failed, but she won’t stop meddling in the affairs of both nuclear and extended family members.
Allow children to choose their life partners even if we disapprove. We can advise and perhaps protest, but what can one really do when the love bug bites? Nothing. They still meet privately without our consent. We may have a million reasons our children should not follow any romantic, career, religious or friendship path. Ultimately, it is their choice and there is little or nothing we can do to sway them.
I know of parents who refuse to attend their children’s weddings because they disagree with the choice of partners. Others refuse to acknowledge the partners. Many others have disowned children because of their chosen career paths or for following their hearts in other fields.
This is why I argue that children are not property. We must still tread carefully in matters concerning their lives, especially as adults. That is why the law also speaks differently for varying stages of their growth. We have no right treating them as the babies we brought from the hospital. Nurturing them should not mean refusing to let go.
Our daughters and sons have needs beyond what parents can offer. There are designated entities to fulfil certain desires. Withholding those from them or controlling them beyond what we can offer means creating enmities for life. We don’t want to do that.
