Egily kumilonde: MBC ankhoswe programme panellist

In a conservative society where sexuality is discussed in hushed tones, Egily Kumilonde has plucked courage to join other panellists on MBC TV’s Ankhoswe programme to discuss this ‘ taboo’.

The 18+ rated programme, which airs late in the night when children are asleep, discusses various relationship issues, including bedroom matters.

Many of Egily’s followers wonder if she is married or whether she is a mother, considering the programme’s content that is viewed as off-the-mark for women expected to restrict their discussions within ‘decent boundaries’.

But the 50-year-old panellist is married and a devout Presbyterian, having served in Manase CCAP top governing council.

Egily traces her rise to the relationship advisory role to her passion for conflict resolution and peace-building, a trait deeply rooted in her personality.

She detests couples quarrelling over issues that can be resolved through dialogue.

“Everywhere l go and whenever a misunderstanding arises, l become a peacemaker, settling disputes, especially within relationships.

“I have been married for 26 years and my husband has never raised a hand on me. l want to impart this peace and understanding to other marriages out there,” she says.

Egily believes that simple acts of gratitude and admission of a wrong are key to a harmonious marriage.

“Whenever my husband buys me something, l show gratitude and I apologise when wrong. These may seem insignificant, but they are building blocks of a strong marriage,” she adds.

But how did Egily find herself on the Ankhoswe programme?

The panellist says she stepped into the world of relationship counselling by accident.

Her conflict resolution ability caught the eye of the media and she found herself in a Valentine’s Day show on MBC.

lt was during the show that she met Nickson Binzi, aka Mkupamame, who would set her on the counselling career path.

“Mr. Binzi, who passed away in 2018, was impressed with the way l responded to relationship issues during the show. He approached me afterward and asked if I could be interested to join him on a programme called Zachikhalidwe which was airing on Matindi FM,” Egily recalls.

She accepted the offer and her journey as a public adviser on relationships began.

After some time, Binzi was drafted into the Ankhoswe programme and that also opened doors for Egily on the public broadcaster’s platform.

However, her journey has not been without challenges.

Her controversial marital discussions have earned her the ‘wayward’ label.

Many question how on earth a married woman can discuss sensitive bedroom topics in public.

But Egily remains resolute in her mission.

She says: “The initial challenges I faced were from those who thought l was out of my mind. Society believes that anyone in their right frame of mind should not be discussing such things in public.

“But as long as people are helped in mending their marriages and relationships, l am okay with it. l cannot please everyone because of different perceptions on sexuality.”

When Egily ’s clip, in which she encourages young couples to have sex as many times as possible to avoid temptations outside their homes went viral, her detractors raised their tempo.

In the clip she says: “Kumadyana. Zinthuzi zimafuna zizidyana, sizifuna nsima. Mukadzakula muzidzangoyang’anizana kuti ‘eeeh koma kale ine!’”

She says it was because of this clip that people started calling her Atidyane and Mayi Wotukwana.

“The torment l experienced was overwhelming. However, it was my husband’s unwavering support that kept me going.

“He reminded me that l cannot please everyone and as long as others are learning from what l say, l should continue,” she says.

Despite the negative comments, the mother of two finds solace in the positive feedback she receives from those who are touched by her words.

“I get inspired when people approach me about their family lives changing after listening to my programme,” she says.

One episode that received overwhelming feedback was the one in which she advised people that wealth should not be a condition for marriage.

“The theme of the programme was Banja si chuma where we emphasized that women should learn to respect their husbands regardless of who is doing better in the family,” she says.

Egily says the Ankhoswe programme is not always about sex.

“It also teaches couples good ways of raising children to become responsible

 citizens.

“I have received gifts and positive feedback from viewers. This makes me know that l am doing something worthwhile,” she says.

Egily’s impact extends beyond the television set.

She is often invited to speak at weddings, church gatherings and other events to share her insights on building strong and respectful marriages.

Egily’s highest point so far was when she was among the recipients of the 2023 MBC Entertainers of the Year Award.

“I least expected it. l was just invited to attend the function at Bicc in Lilongwe. l was shocked when l was called to receive the award. I got a plot of land and a Kiliye Kiliye decorder as rewards. It felt like a dream,” she says with pride.

Egily adds that the award validated her work and reinforced her belief that her efforts were not in vain.

“The award helped me to establish myself as a responsible family woman,” she says.

Egily says she will continue to use Ankhoswe programme to encourage open communication and respect in marriages.

She believes that marriage is not about endurance, but learning to speak up and resolve issues together.

Egily encourages other women who aspire to be advisers to work hard and see it as their calling.

But how does she juggle the heavy responsibility of being ankhoswe and motherhood?

“Time management is a great weapon l use to ensure balance,” she says.

Egily uses her influence to impact others in all situations.

“For example, when at a funeral, l act according to what that situation requires. At a wedding ceremony, I usually crack jokes to liven up the event,” she says.

Her journey of courage, resilience and unwavering commitment to helping others through discussions of sticky issues on Ankhoswe programme and other platforms has elevated her to be the voice of change in a society that often shies away from discussing the most intimate aspects of marriage.

You can call her Malawi’s version of Dr. Ruth