I’m scared to get married

Dear BMW,

I am a 28-year-old woman, getting married in September this year. The man I am getting married to is a sweet and understanding person. My only concern in this relationship is the sexual intimacy.

While I enjoy all the attention the man gives me, I think I’ll never be able to prepare myself for sleeping with him. In fact, this was the sole reason I put off marriage for so long, but due to society pressure I had to eventually give in and marry.

But I am really tensed thinking about the future of our sexual relationship.

Two years ago, before I met my man, I dated another guy who I thought was the one. Then about six months in, he started showing interest in sex, but I broke up with him.

We are now talking about marriage or sexless marriage, will it last? I am asking because I am really scared. As I write, I can’t stop thinking that bad things will happen to my marriage and life and it’s stressing me.

Strangely, I have a married guy who I enjoy sex with. So, does that mean I shouldn’t be with the guy I am marrying, or what should I do?

Undecided Single,

Via WhatsApp,

Chilomoni, Blantyre

Very undecided single,

It appears you have a big problem. You have one man who appears to satisfy you sexually and that man is married. You are the problem.

If you were 40 and above, I could have said your lack of libido emanates from effects of menopause, but no, you are only 28.

And then, why would you want to get married and not want sex when one of the crucial factors of marriage is sex? In the first instance, you have to avert the danger of being a married woman caught with a married man in Room 18.

Just recently, if you are not on current social issues, a married man caught his wife with another man in a lodge, having munched each other’s goods. Fortunately, the husband who caught his wife with another man stark naked was calm, but you may not have that fortune and this man you are undecided to marry will find you in that room with a married man and will have no time for questions. He will slay you. Slay like kill.

I am no prophet of doom. But, get it from me, don’t complicate further your already complicated condition by getting married due to societal pressure. You can enjoy sex with the man who satisfies you while outside of marriage. The only thing is, make it safe and secure lest his wife catches you.

Please, also be sure to visit your doctor. Your problem may be hormonal and only a physician can determine that. They will be able to tell you whether you are suffering from endometriosis. A gynaecologist will be a professional to dig into that.

On the other hand, look into how much you are given to alcohol and drug abuse. These heighten or lower how much you want to be in someone’s arms.

I have seen better days my dear and when you are depressed the desire goes. Depression breaks the head as well as the bed. Check it out. Are you depressed?

The bottom line is; don’t marry that which doesn’t satisfy you. And if you may marry that which doesn’t satisfy you, check out the sexual techniques around you. Find out what would put you more in the mood to be laid.