My ex is getting married behind my back

Dear BMW,

I’ve been dating a girl for six years. Before it, I was married. I always knew I still loved the first woman, my wife, but everything about being together was so wrong although I have been in love with her all the time, so when things were not working out, I left for my girlfriend.

The girlfriend is a diva and very demanding. She was broke and jobless when I met her, but when she started earning a salary, she changed completely. She would go drinking with friends and come home late in the night, drunk and cursing me that I am a broke evil nigga.

The situation became unbearable and I moved out of the house to my first wife, who welcomed me with open arms. But last week, I saw on social media that my girlfriend is getting married.

Although I don’t love her that much, I can’t stop thinking about her and her divalish ways. I still want to talk to her. I want to say something like, “Hey, remember bae, I’m still in love with you.” As stupid as it sounds, a part of me thinks she still loves me, too. Should I storm and stop their wedding? Am I too late to put a finger on it?

LC, via WhatsApp, Lilongwe

Hello LC,

Well, LC you say you sound stupid as if you are clever. You are stupid, as it were. Naïve, to say the least.

All this time, my women followers have accused me of not being on their side. Little did I know there can be men so absurd as you to think divas give you all the chivas and happiness. You were lost.

In the first place, it is clear that you must have brought so much trouble on your wife because of this your diva. You may have been thinking your wife was just nagging when this diva of yours brought trouble in your matrimonial bed. That is why she had to leave you in the cold for the sake of peace. Uzingodzikanda kaye mdala.

Why do I say so? You thought you were having the good time, painting the town red and visiting all those high class fun spots. But, you were wrong.

I will tell you as it is, I will not caress your ego. Neither will I pamper your macho to think that you can get away with mistreating your woman, the wife of your youth, for that diva. You will have it the hard way my friend.

On a brighter day, I could have told you to get together your battalion of cohorts to bring chaos at the wedding. I could have told you to hire a few thugs to interrupt the wedding, but I will not.

I will not, because I want you to swallow the venom of your own spleen. You can save the date of your ex-girlfriend’s wedding, but please, do not even contemplate of being a metre from the officiation or reception venue. And, for that matter, don’t even think of going ku mchezo.

That you are naive is well documented where you say you only knew the diva was getting married through her social platforms. So, you wanted her to call you and say: “I am taken”?

Look at what your search for the good life has brought you! You have no one to blame. For that matter, you have no shoulder to cry on.

You are a dreamer.

That you are a dreamer lies where you say the wife you left for your girlfriend will probably take you back. Wake up, get out of that bed and smell the coffee. Leave your ex-wife and ex-girlfriend in peace. Get your life together, mate!

Have a good New Year and may your visions of 2020 come true.

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!